When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms
On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stoppedin front of our one-room flat. My buddies insistedthat I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into ourhome. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.
This was the scene of ten years ago.
The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid,I went into business and tried to make more money.When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between usseemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left hometogether and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in aboarding school.
Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life wasmore likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.Dew came into my life.It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me frombehind. My heart once again was immersed in herstream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.
Dew said, "You are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Herwords suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we justmarried, my wife said, "Men like you, once successful, will be veryattractive to girls." Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. Iknew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so.
I moved Dew's hands aside and said," You go to select some furniture,O.K.? I've got something to do in the company."Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see withher. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mindalthough it used to be something impossible to me.
However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matterhow mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly,she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I wassitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watchedTV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew'sbody. This was the means of my entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slight joking way, "suppose we divorce, whatwill you do?" She stared at me for a few seconds without a word.Apparently she believed that 'divorce' was something too far away fromher. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I wasserious.
When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all thestaff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hidesomething while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. Shegently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.
Once again, Dew said to me, "He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we livetogether." I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. "I've got somethingto tell you," I said.She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in hereyes.Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let herknow what I was thinking. "I want to divorce." I raised a serious topiccalmly.She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked mesoftly, "why?". "I'm serious." I avoided her question. This so-calledanswer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted atme, "you are not a man!".
At that night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew shewanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardlygive her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which statedthat she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. Sheglanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart.The woman who had been living ten years with mewould become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I hadsaid.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expectedto see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release.The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to befirmer and clearer.
A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw herwriting something at the table. I fell asleep fast.When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and wasasleep again.
She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me,but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and inthe month's time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason wassimple: our son would finish his summer vacation amonth later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.
She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, "He Ning, doyou still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?".This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me.I nodded and said, "I remember".
"You carried me in your arms", she continued, "so, I have a requirement,that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. Fromnow to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom tothe door every morning."
I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wishedto end her marriage with a romantic form.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly andthought it was absurd. "No matter what tricks she does, she has to facethe result of divorce," she said scornfully. Her words more or less mademe feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce in tention wascarried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our sonclapped behind us, "daddy is holding mummy in his arms." His wordsbrought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, thento the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closedher eyes and said softly, "Let us start from today, don't tell our son."I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. Shewent to wait for bus, I drove to office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on mychest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse.I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for along time. I found she was not young any more. There were some finewrinkles on her face.On the third day, she whispered to me, "The outside garden is beingdemolished. Be careful when you pass there."On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we werestill an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. Thevisualization of Dew became vaguer.
On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as,where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while looking, etc.I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.
I didn't tell Dew about this.
I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made mestronger. I said to her, "It seems not difficult to carry you now."
She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She triedquite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "All mydresses have grown fatter." I smiled. But I suddenly realized that itwas because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, notbecause I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in herheart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out ahand to touch her head.
Our son came in at the moment. "Dad, it's time to carry mum out." Hesaid. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been anessential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer andhugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would changemy mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from thebedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surroundedmy neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we cameback to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.Our son had gone to school. She said, "Actually I hope you will hold mein your arms until we are old."
I held her tightly and said, "Both you and I didn't notice that our lifewas lack of such intimacy."I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraidany delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dewopened the door. I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'mserious."
She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. "You got nofever." She said. I moved her hand off my head."Sorry, Dew," I said, "I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. Mymarriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value thedetails of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now Iunderstand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to ourchild, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorryto you."
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammedthe door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs anddrove to the office.
When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for mywife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me towrite the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, "I' ll carryyou out every morning until we are old."
This was the scene of ten years ago.
The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid,I went into business and tried to make more money.When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between usseemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left hometogether and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in aboarding school.
Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life wasmore likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.Dew came into my life.It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me frombehind. My heart once again was immersed in herstream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.
Dew said, "You are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Herwords suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we justmarried, my wife said, "Men like you, once successful, will be veryattractive to girls." Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. Iknew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so.
I moved Dew's hands aside and said," You go to select some furniture,O.K.? I've got something to do in the company."Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see withher. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mindalthough it used to be something impossible to me.
However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matterhow mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly,she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I wassitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watchedTV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew'sbody. This was the means of my entertainment.
One day I said to her in a slight joking way, "suppose we divorce, whatwill you do?" She stared at me for a few seconds without a word.Apparently she believed that 'divorce' was something too far away fromher. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I wasserious.
When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all thestaff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hidesomething while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. Shegently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.
Once again, Dew said to me, "He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we livetogether." I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.
When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. "I've got somethingto tell you," I said.She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in hereyes.Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let herknow what I was thinking. "I want to divorce." I raised a serious topiccalmly.She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked mesoftly, "why?". "I'm serious." I avoided her question. This so-calledanswer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted atme, "you are not a man!".
At that night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew shewanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardlygive her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which statedthat she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. Sheglanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart.The woman who had been living ten years with mewould become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I hadsaid.
Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expectedto see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release.The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to befirmer and clearer.
A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw herwriting something at the table. I fell asleep fast.When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and wasasleep again.
She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me,but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and inthe month's time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason wassimple: our son would finish his summer vacation amonth later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.
She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, "He Ning, doyou still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?".This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me.I nodded and said, "I remember".
"You carried me in your arms", she continued, "so, I have a requirement,that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. Fromnow to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom tothe door every morning."
I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wishedto end her marriage with a romantic form.
I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly andthought it was absurd. "No matter what tricks she does, she has to facethe result of divorce," she said scornfully. Her words more or less mademe feel uncomfortable.
My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce in tention wascarried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our sonclapped behind us, "daddy is holding mummy in his arms." His wordsbrought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, thento the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closedher eyes and said softly, "Let us start from today, don't tell our son."I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. Shewent to wait for bus, I drove to office.
On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on mychest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse.I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for along time. I found she was not young any more. There were some finewrinkles on her face.On the third day, she whispered to me, "The outside garden is beingdemolished. Be careful when you pass there."On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we werestill an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. Thevisualization of Dew became vaguer.
On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as,where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while looking, etc.I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.
I didn't tell Dew about this.
I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made mestronger. I said to her, "It seems not difficult to carry you now."
She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She triedquite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "All mydresses have grown fatter." I smiled. But I suddenly realized that itwas because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, notbecause I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in herheart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out ahand to touch her head.
Our son came in at the moment. "Dad, it's time to carry mum out." Hesaid. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been anessential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer andhugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would changemy mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from thebedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surroundedmy neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we cameback to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.
On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.Our son had gone to school. She said, "Actually I hope you will hold mein your arms until we are old."
I held her tightly and said, "Both you and I didn't notice that our lifewas lack of such intimacy."I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraidany delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dewopened the door. I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'mserious."
She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. "You got nofever." She said. I moved her hand off my head."Sorry, Dew," I said, "I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. Mymarriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value thedetails of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now Iunderstand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to ourchild, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorryto you."
Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammedthe door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs anddrove to the office.
When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for mywife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me towrite the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, "I' ll carryyou out every morning until we are old."
posted by Carms | 5:32 PM
