e-Forward

Husband & Wife

2006-03-29T19:22:00.000-08:00

Dear Husband

I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good.
I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to
show for it. These last two weeks have been hell. Your boss called to
tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair
and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new
negligee. You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to
sleep after watching the game. You don't tell me you love me anymore,
you don't touch me or anything. Either you're cheating or you don't
love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are
moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife
====================
Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true
that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman
is a far cry from what you've been. I watch sports so much to try to
drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work. I did
notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing
that came to mind was "You look just like a man!" My mother raised me
to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my
favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because
I stopped eating pork seven years ago. I went to sleep on you when you
had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I
prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty
dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99. After all
of this, I still loved you and fel t that we could work it out. So
when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I
quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home
you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you
have the filling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with your
letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.

P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was
born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.

WHAT MEN AND WOMEN REALLY MEANS

2006-03-29T19:18:00.000-08:00

What a woman say and what she really means

I need - I want
It's your decision - The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do whatever you want - You are going to pay for this later
We need to talk - I need to complain
I'm not upset - Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're certainly attentive tonight - Is sex all you ever think about?
Do you love me? - I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? - I did something today that you're really going to hate.
You have to learn to communicate - Just
Yes - No
No - No
Maybe - No
I'm sorry - You'll be sorry
Is my butt fat? - Tell me I'm beautiful

======================

What a man say and what he really means

Do you want to go to a movie? - I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? - I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Would you like to dance? - I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? - I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress! - Nice cleavage!
Yes, I love your new hairstyle - I liked it better before
I like the first dress you tried on better - Pick any freakin' dress and let's go!

How to make a woman happy

2006-03-29T19:09:00.000-08:00

It is "NOT" difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be:

1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother
5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. generous
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:

45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:

51. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:

54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes

HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY:

1. Show up naked
2. Bring food
3. Hand over the remote

26 Beautiful One-liners

2006-02-28T15:40:00.000-08:00

1. Give God what's right -- not what's left.

2. Man's way leads to a hopeless end -- God's way leads to an endless hope.

3. A lot of kneeling will keep you in good standing.

4. He who kneels before God can stand before anyone.

5. In the sentence of life, the devil may be a comma--but never let him be the period.

6. Don't put a question mark where God puts a period.

7. Are you wrinkled with burden? Come to the church for a face-lift.

8. When praying, don't give God instructions - just report for duty.

9. Don't wait for six strong men to take you to church.

10. We don't change God's message - His message changes us.

11. The church is prayer-conditioned.

12. When God ordains, He sustains.

13. WARNING: Exposure to the Son may prevent burning.

14. Plan ahead -- It wasn't raining when Noah built the ark.

15. Most people want to serve God! But only in an advisory position.

16. Suffering from truth decay? Brush up on your Bible.

17. Exercise daily -- walk with the Lord.

18. Never give the devil a ride -- he will always want to drive.

19. Nothing else ruins the truth like stretching it.

20. Compassion is difficult to give away because it keeps coming back.

21. He who angers you controls you.

22. Worry is the darkroom in which negatives can develop.

23. Give Satan an inch & he'll be a ruler.

24. Be ye fishers of men -- you catch them & He'll clean them.

25. God doesn't call the qualified, He qualifies the called...

26. Read the Bible -- It will scare the hell out of you.

FROGS

2006-02-21T14:34:00.000-08:00

Once upon a time there was a bunch of tiny frogs.... who arranged a running competition.

The goal was to reach the top of a very high tower.

A big crowd had gathered around the tower to see the race and cheer on the contestants....

The race began....

Honestly:

No one in crowd really believed that the tiny frogs would reach the top of the tower.

You heard statements such as:

"Oh, WAY too difficult!!"

"They will NEVER make it to the top."

or:

"Not a chance that they will succeed. The tower is too high!"

The tiny frogs began collapsing. One by one....

Except for those, who in a fresh tempo, were climbing higher and higher....

The crowd continued to yell, "It is too difficult!!! No one will make it!"

More tiny frogs got tired and gave up....

But ONE continued higher and higher and higher....

This one wouldn't give up!

At the end everyone else had given up climbing the tower. Except for the one tiny frog who, after a big effort, was the only one who reached the top!

THEN all of the other tiny frogs naturally wanted to know how this one frog managed to do it?

A contestant asked the tiny frog how he had found the strength to succeed and reach the goal?

It turned out....

That the winner was DEAF!!!!

The wisdom of this story is:

Never listen to other people's tendencies to be

negative or pessimistic.... because they take your most wonderful dreams and wishes away from you -- the ones you have in your heart!

Always think of the power words have.

Because everything you hear and read will affect your actions!

Therefore:

ALWAYS be....

POSITIVE!

And above all:

Be DEAF when people tell YOU that you cannot fulfill your dreams!

Always think:

God and I can do this!

Pass this message on to 5 "tiny frogs" you care about.

Give them some motivation!!!

Most people walk in and out of your life......but FRIENDS leave footprints in your heart
In two days tomorrow will be yesterday. Today is no special day and I have no particular reason for writing to you... I have no news to tell you.... nor any problems to discuss with you.... or gossip to tell you... It's only one of those happy moments... when I thought of you... and I would like to share these thoughts with you...
MANY SMILES BEGIN BECAUSE OF ANOTHER SMILE...

To The World You Might Be One Person; But To One Person You Might Be the World.

You have been Tagged by the Froggy, which means you are a great friend!!

36 CHRISTIAN WAYS TO REDUCE STRESS

2006-02-07T15:32:00.000-08:00

An Angel says, "Never borrow from the future. If you worry about what may happen tomorrow and it doesn't happen, you have worried in vain. Even if it does happen, you have to worry twice."

1. Pray
2. Go to bed on time.
3. Get up on time so you can start the day unrushed.
4. Say No to projects that won't fit into your time schedule, or that will compromise your mental health.
5. Delegate tasks to capable others.
6. Simplify and unclutter your life.
7. Less is more. (Although one is often not enough, two are often too many.)
8. Allow extra time to do things and to get to places.
9. Pace yourself. Spread out big changes and difficult projects over time; don't lump the hard things all together.
10. Take one day at a time.
11. Separate worries from concerns. If a situation is a concern, find out what God would have you do and let go of the anxiety. If you can't do anything about a situation, forget it.
12. Live within your budget; don't use credit cards for ordinary purchases.
13. Have backups; an extra car key in your wallet, an extra house key buried in the garden, extra stamps, etc.
14. K.M.S. (Keep Mouth Shut). This single piece of ad-vice can prevent an enormous amount of trouble.
15. Do something for the Kid in You everyday.
16. Carry a Bible with you to read while waiting in line.
17. Get enough rest.
18. Eat right.
19. Get organized so everything has its place.
20. Listen to a tape while driving that can help improve your quality of life.
21. Write down thoughts and inspirations.
22. Every day, find time to be alone.
23. Having problems? Talk to God on the spot. Try to nip small problems in the bud. Don't wait until it's time to go to bed to try and pray.
24. Make friends with Godly people.
25. Keep a folder of favorite scriptures on hand.
26. Remember that the shortest bridge between
despair and hope is often a good "Thank you Jesus."
27. Laugh.
28. Laugh some more!
29. Take your work seriously, but not yourself at all.
30. Develop a forgiving attitude (most people are doing the best they can).
31. Be kind to unkind people (they probably need it the most.
32. Sit on your ego.
33. Talk less; listen more.
34. Slow down.
35. Remind yourself that you are not the general
manager of the universe.
35. Every night before bed, think of one thing you're grateful for that you've never been grateful for before. GOD HAS A WAY OF TURNING THINGS AROUND FOR YOU. "If God is for us, who can be against us?" (Romans 8:31)

His plan

2006-02-07T15:29:00.000-08:00

The best gift anyone can give me this new year is a planner. I like
planners because I am a planner.
I like thinking ahead.
I like being prepared.
I get a high from being on top of things.

But some things are beyond planning. And life doesn't always turn out
as planned.

You don't plan for a broken heart.
You don't plan for a failed business venture.
You don't plan for an adulterous husband.
Or a wife who wants you out of her life.
You don't plan for an autistic child.
You don't plan for spinsterhood.
You don't plan for a lump in your breast.

You plan to be young forever. You plan to climb the corporate ladder.
You plan to be rich and powerful. You plan to be acclaimed and
successful. You plan to conquer the universe.
You plan to fall in love - and be loved
forever.

You don't plan to be sad.
You don't plan to be hurt.
You don't plan to be broke.
You don't plan to be betrayed.
You don't plan to be alone in this world

You plan to be happy. You don't plan to be shattered. Sometimes if
you work hard enough, you can get what you want. But most times,
what you want and what you get are two different things.

We, mortals, plan. But so does God in the heavens.
Sometimes, it is difficult to understand God's plans - especially
when His plans are not in consonance with ours. Often, when God
sends us crisis, we turn to Him in anger.
True, we cannot choose the cross that God wishe
s us to carry, but we can carry that cross with courage knowing that
God will never abandon us nor send something
we cannot cope with.

Sometimes, God breaks our spirit to save our soul.
Sometimes, He breaks our heart to make us whole.
Sometimes, God sends us pain so we can be stronger.
Sometimes, God sends us failure so we can be humble.
Sometimes God sends us illness so we can take better care of
ourselves. Sometimes, God takes everything away from us so we can
learn the value of everything He gave us.

Make plans but understand that we live by God's grace.

going bananas

2006-02-07T15:20:00.000-08:00

Never, put your banana in the refrigerator!!!
This is interesting. After reading this, you'll never look at a
banana in the same way again.
Bananas contain three natural sugars - sucrose, fructose and glucose
combined with fiber. A banana gives an instant, sustained and
substantial boost of energy. Research has proven that just two
bananas provide enough energy for a strenuous 90-minute workout. No
wonder the banana is the number one fruit with the world's leading
athletes.
But energy isn't the only way a banana can help us keep fit. It can
also help overcome or prevent a substantial number of illnesses and
conditions, making it a must to add to our daily diet.
Depression: According to a recent survey undertaken by MIND amongst
people suffering from depression, many felt much better after eating
a banana. This is because bananas contain tryptophan, a type of
protein that the body converts into serotonin, known to make you
relax, improve your mood and generally make you feel happier.
PMS: Forget the pills - eat a banana. The vitamin B6 it contains re
gulates blood glucose levels, which can affect your mood.
Anemia: High in iron, bananas can stimulate the production of hemog
lobin in the blood and so helps in cases of anemia.
Blood Pressure: This unique tropical fruit is extremely high in pot
assium yet low in salt, making it perfect to beat blood pressure. So
much so, the US Food and Drug Administration has just allowed the
banana industry to make official claims for the fruit's ability to
reduce the risk of blood pressure and stroke.
Brain Power: 200 students at a Twickenham (Middlesex) school were h
elped through their exams this year by eating bananas at breakfast,
break, and lunch in a bid to boost their brain power. Research has
shown that the potassium-packed fruit can assist learning by making
pupils more alert.
Constipation: High in fiber, including bananas in the diet can help
restore normal bowel action, helping to overcome the problem without
resorting to laxatives.
Hangovers: One of the quickest ways of curing a hangover is to make
a banana milkshake, sweetened with honey. The banana calms the
stomach and, with the help of the honey, builds up depleted blood
sugar levels, while the milk soothes and re-hydrates your system.
Heartburn: Bananas have a natural antacid effect in the body, so if
you suffer from heartburn, try eating a banana for soothing relief.
Morning Sickness: Snacking on bananas between meals helps to keep b
lood sugar levels up and avoid morning sickness.
Mosquito bites: Before reaching for the insect bite cream, try
rubbing the affected area with the inside of a banana skin. Many
people find it amazingly successful at reducing swelling and
irritation.
Nerves: Bananas are high in B vitamins that help calm the nervous
system.
Overweight and at work? Studies at the Institute of Psychology in A
ustria found pressure at work leads to gorging on comfort food like
chocolate and crisps. Looking at 5,000 hospital patients,
researchers found the most obese were more likely to be in high-
pressure jobs. The report concluded that, to avoid panic-induced
food cravings, we need to control our blood sugar levels by snacking
on high carbohydrate foods every two hours to keep levels steady.
Ulcers: The banana is used as the dietary food against intestinal d
isorders because of its soft texture and smoothness. It is the only
raw fruit that can be eaten without distress in over-chronicler
cases. It also neutralizes over-acidity and reduces irritation by
coating the lining of the stomach.
Temperature control: Many other cultures see bananas as a "cooling"
fruit that can lower both the physical and emotional temperature of
expectant mothers. In Thailand, for example, pregnant women eat
bananas to ensure their baby is born with a cool temperature.
Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD): Bananas can help SAD sufferers b
ecause they contain the natural mood enhancer tryptophan.
Smoking: Bananas can also help people trying to give up smoking. Th
e B6,
B12 they contain, as well as the potassium and magnesium found in
them, help the body recover from the effects of nicotine withdrawal.
Stress: Potassium is a vital mineral, which helps normalize the
heartbeat, sends oxygen to the brain and regulates your body's water
balance. When we are stressed, our metabolic rate rises, thereby
reducing our potassium levels. These can be rebalanced with the help
of a high-potassium banana snack.
Strokes: According to research in "The New England Journal of Medic
ine, "eating bananas as part of a regular diet can cut the risk of
death by strokes by as much as 40%!
Warts: Those keen on natural alternatives swear that if you want to
kill off a wart, take a piece of banana skin and place it on the
wart, with the yellow side out. Carefully hold the skin in place
with a plaster or surgical tape!
So, a banana really is a natural remedy for mny ills. When you
compare it to an apple, it has four times the protein, twice the
carbohydrate, three times the phosphorus, five times the vitamin A
and iron, and twice the other vitamins and minerals. It is also rich
in potassium and is one of the best value foods around. So maybe its
time to change that well-known phrase so that we say, "A banana a
day keeps the doctor away!"

PS: Bananas must be the reason monkeys are so happy all the time! I
will add one here; want a quick shine on our shoes?? Take the INSIDE
of the banana skin, and rub directly on the shoe...polish with dry
cloth. Amazing fruit.

Say, Thank You By Oprah Winfrey

2006-02-07T15:17:00.000-08:00

I live in the space of thankfulness - and I have been rewarded a
million times over for it. I started out giving thanks for small
things, and the more thankful I became, the more my bounty increased.
That's because what you focus on expands, and when you focus on
the goodness in your life, you create more of it. Opportunities,
relationships, even money flowed my way when I learned to be grateful
no matter what happened in my life.
"Say thank you!" Those words from my friend and mentor Maya
Angelou turned my life around. One day about ten years ago, I was sitting in my
bathroom with the door closed and the toilet lid down, booing and
ahooing on the phone so uncontrollably that I was incoherent. "Stop it! Stop it
right now and say thank you!" Maya chided. "But - you don't
understand," I sobbed. To th is day, I can't remember what it was that had me so far
gone, which only proves the point Maya was trying to make. "I do
understand," she told me. "I want to hear you say it now. Out loud.
'Thank you.'"
Tentatively, I repeated it:
"Thank you - but what am I saying thank you for?"
"You're saying thank you," Maya said, "because your faith is so
strong that you don't doubt that whatever the problem, you'll get
through it.
You're saying thank you because you know that even in the eye of the
storm, God has put a rainbow in the clouds.
You're saying thank you because you know there's no problem created that can compare to the Creator of all things. Say thank you!"
So I did - and still do. Only now I do it every day.
I kept a gratitude journal, as Sarah Ban Breathnach suggests in
Simple Abundance, listing at least five things that I'm grateful for.
My list includes small pleasures: the feel of Kentucky bluegrass under my
feet (like damp silk); a walk in the woods with all nine of my dogs and
my cocker spaniel Sophie trying to keep up; cooking fried green
tomatoes with Stedman and eating them while they're hot; reading a good book and
knowing another awaits.
My thank-you list also includes things too important to take for
granted: an "okay" mammogram, friends who love me, 15 years at the same
job (and loving it more than the first day I started), a chance t o
share my vision for a better life, staying centered, having financial
security. I won't kid you, having money for all the things I want is a
blessing. But as I look back over my journals, which I've kept since I
was 15 years old, 99 per cent of what brought me real joy had nothing
to do with money . (It had a lot to do with food, however.)
It's not easy being grateful all the time. But it's when you feel
least thankful that you are most in need of what gratitude can give
you:
PERSPECTIVE. Just knowing you have that daily list to complete allows
you to look at your day differently, with an awareness of every sweet
gesture and kind thought passed your way. When you learn to say thank
you, you see the world anew.
And as Meister Eckhart so eloquently stated:
"If the only prayer you ever say in your whole life is 'Thank
you', that would suffice."
Thank you for being a part of my life's journey. God loves you. Have a great day!

God and the Spider

2006-02-07T15:10:00.000-08:00

During World War II, a US marine was separated from his unit on a
Pacific island. The fighting had been intense, and in the smoke and
the crossfire he had lost touch with his comrades.
Alone in the jungle, he could hear enemy soldiers coming in his
direction. Scrambling for cover, he found his way up a high ridge to
several small caves in the rock. Quickly he crawled inside one of
the caves. Although safe for the moment, he realized that once the
enemy soldiers looking for him swept up the ridge, they would
quickly search all the caves and he would be killed.
As he waited, he prayed, Lord, if it be your will, please protect
me. Whatever your will though, I love you and trust you. Amen.
After praying, he lay quietly listening to the enemy begin to draw
close. He thought, Well, I guess the Lord is not going to help me
out of this one. Then he saw a spider begin to buil d a web over the
front of his cave.
As he watched, listening to the enemy searching for him all the
while, the spider layered strand after strand of web across the
opening of the cave.
He thought what I need is a brick wall and what the Lord has sent
me is a spider web. God does have a sense of humor.
As the enemy drew closer he watched from the darkness of his
hideout and could see them searching one cave after another. As they
came to his, he got ready to make his last stand. To his amazement,
however, after glancing in the direction of his cave, they moved on.
Suddenly, he realized that with the spider web over the entrance,
his cave looked as if no one had entered for quite a while. Lord,
forgive me, prayed the young man. I had forgotten that in you a
spider's web is stronger than a brick wall.
We all face times of great trouble. When we do, it is so easy to
forget the victories that God would work in our lives, som etimes in
the most surprising ways. As the great leader, Nehemiah, reminded
the people of Israel when they faced the task of rebuilding
Jerusalem, In God we will have success! [Nehemiah 2:20]
Remember: Whatever is happening in your life, with God, a mere
spiders web can become a brick wall of protection. Believe He is
with you always. Just speak His name through Jesus His son, and you
will see His great power and love for you.
Have an awesome day, and know that there's someone who thinks you're great.

The Hypnotist

2006-02-07T14:59:00.000-08:00

A woman comes home and tells her husband, "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone."

"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?" His wife replies, "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.'

It worked! The headaches are all gone." The husband replies, "Well, that is onderful." His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been
exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go
see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband
agrees to try it.

Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."

He goes into the bathroom and comes back A few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before.

His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!" The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back."

He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."

With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she sees him standing at the mirror and saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife!"

Too Good

2006-02-02T15:09:00.000-08:00

Father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see
the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow.
It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the
envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:-

Dear Dad,
It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm
leaving
home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to
avoid a
scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Randy and
he is
so nice to me. I know when you
meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and
motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and
Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very
happy
together. Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so
old
these days is it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't
stand in
the way of our relationship, don't you agree?

Randy has a great CD collection; he already owns a trailer in the woods
and
has a stack of firewood for the whole winter. It's true he
has other girlfriends as well but I know he'll be faithful to me in his
own
way. He wants to have many more children with me and that's
now one of my dreams too. Randy taught me that marijuana doesn't really
hurt
anyone and he'll be growing it for us and we'll trade it with our
friends
for all the cocaine and ecstasy we want. In the meantime, we'll pray
that
science will find a cure for AIDS so Randy
can get better; he sure deserves it!!

Don't worry Dad, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of
myself.
Someday I'm sure we'll be back to visit so you can get to know your
grandchildren.
Your loving daughter,
Rosie.
At the bottom of the page were the letters "PTO". Hands still
trembling, her
father turned the sheet, and read:

PS: Dad, none of the above is true. I'm over at the neighbour's house.
I just wanted to remind you that there are worse things in life than my
report card that's in my desk centre drawer.
Please sign it and call when it is safe for me to come home.
I love you!!!

Very Touchy

2005-06-02T07:59:00.000-07:00

A little boy was selling newspapers on the corner,
the people were in and out of the cold.

The little boy was so cold that he wasn't trying to sell
many papers.

He walked up to a policeman and said,
"Mister,
you wouldn't happen to know where a poor boy could
find a warm place to sleep tonight would you?

You see, I sleep in a box up around the corner there and
down the alley and it's awful cold in there for tonight.

Sure would be nice to have a warm place to stay."

The policeman looked down at the little boy and said, "You go down the
street to that big white house and you knock on the door. When they come
out the door you just say John 3:16, and they will let you in."

So he did. He walked up the steps and knocked on the
door, and a lady answered. He looked up and said,
"John 3:16." The lady said, "Come on in, Son."

She took him in and she sat him down in a split bottom
rocker in front of a great big old fireplace, and she went
off. The boy sat there for a while and thought to himself:
John 3:16...I don't understand it, but it sure makes
a cold boy warm.

Later she came back and asked him "Are you hungry?"
He said, "Well, just a little. I haven't eaten in a couple of
days, and I guess I could stand a little bit of food,"

The lady took him in the kitchen and sat him down to a table full of
wonderful food. He ate and ate until he couldn't eat
any more. Then he thought to himself:
John 3:16...Boy, I sure don't understand it but it sure
makes a hungry boy full.

She took him upstairs to a bathroom to a huge bathtub
filled with warm water, and he sat there and soaked for a while. As he
soaked, he thought to himself: John 3:16...
I sure don't understand it, but it sure makes a dirty boy
clean. You know, I've not had a bath, a real bath, in my
whole life. The only bath I ever had was when I stood in
front of that big old fire hydrant as they flushed it out.
The lady came in and got him. She took him to a room,
tucked him into a big old feather bed, pulled the covers
up around his neck, kissed him goodnight and turned out
the lights. As he lay in the darkness and looked out the
window at the snow coming down on that cold night, he thought to
himself: John 3:16...I don't understand it but
it sure makes a tired boy rested.

The next morning the lady came back up and took him
down again to that same big table full of food. After he
ate, she took him back to that same big old split bottom
rocker in front of the fireplace and
picked up a big old Bible.

She sat down in front of him and looked into his young face. "Do you
understand John 3:16?" she asked gently. He
replied, "No, Ma'am, I don't. The first time I ever heard it was last
night when the policeman told me to use it,"
She opened the Bible to John 3:16 and began to explain
to him about Jesus. Right there, in front of that big old fireplace,
he gave his heart and life to Jesus. He sat there
and thought: John 3:16 -- don't understand it, but it sure
makes a lost boy feel safe.

You know, I have to confess I don't understand it either, how God was
willing to send His Son to die for me, and how Jesus would agree to do
such a thing. I don't understand
the agony of the Father and every angel in heaven as they watched Jesus
suffer and die. I don't understand the intense love for ME that kept
Jesus on the cross till the end.
I don't understand it, but it sure does make life worth living.

John 3:16 For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten
Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have
everlasting life.

The Silversmith

2005-05-27T13:25:00.000-07:00

Some time ago, a few ladies met in a certain city to study the
scriptures. While reading the third chapter of Malachi, they came
upon a remarkable expression in the third verse:

"And He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver (Malachi
3:3)"

One lady proposed to visit a silversmith, and report to them on
what he said about the subject. She went accordingly, and without
telling the object of her errand, begged the silversmith to tell
her about the process of refining silver.

After he had fully described it to her, she asked, "But Sir, do you
sit while the work of refining is going on?"

"Oh, yes madam," replied the silversmith; "I must sit with my eyes
steadily fixed on the furnace, for if the time necessary for
refining be exceeded in the slightest degree, the silver will be
injured."

The lady at once saw the beauty, and comfort too, of the
expression, "He shall sit as a refiner and purifier of silver." God
sees it needful to put His children into a furnace; His eye is
steadily intent on the work of purifying, and His wisdom and love
are both engaged in the best manner for us. Our trials do not come
at random, and He will not let us be tested beyond what we can
endure.

Before she left, the lady asked one final question, "When do you
know the process is complete?"

"Why, that is quite simple," replied the silversmith. "When I can
see my own image in the silver, the refining process is finished."

-- Author Unknown

CAN YOU SLEEP WHEN THE WIND BLOWS?

2005-05-27T11:30:00.000-07:00

Years ago a farmer owned land along the Atlantic seacoast. He
constantly advertised for hired hands. Most people were reluctant
to work on farms along the Atlantic. They dreaded the awful storms
that raged across the Atlantic, wreaking havoc on the buildings and
crops.

As the farmer interviewed applicants for the job, he received a
steady stream of refusals. Finally, a short, thin man, well past
middle age, approached the farmer. "Are you a good farm hand?" the
farmer asked him.
"Well, I can sleep when the wind blows," answered the little man.
Although puzzled by this answer, the farmer, desperate for help,
hired him.

The little man worked well around the farm, busy from dawn to dusk,
and the farmer felt satisfied with the man's work. Then one night
the wind howled loudly in from offshore. Jumping out of bed, the
farmer grabbed a lantern and rushed next door to the hired hand's
sleeping quarters.

He shook the little man and yelled, "Get up! A storm is coming! Tie
things down before they blow away!" The little man rolled over in
bed and said firmly, "No sir. I told you, I can sleep when the wind
blows."

Enraged by the response, the farmer was tempted to fire him on the
spot. Instead, he hurried outside to prepare for the storm. To his
amazement, he discovered that all of the haystacks had been covered
with tarpaulins. The cows were in the barn, the chickens were in
the coops, and the doors were barred. The shutters were tightly
secured.

Everything was tied down. Nothing could blow away. The farmer
then understood what his hired hand meant, so he returned to his bed
to also sleep while the wind blew.

MORAL: When you're prepared, spiritually, mentally, and physically,
you have nothing to fear. Can you sleep when the wind blows through
your life? The hired hand in the story was able to sleep because he
had secured the farm against the storm. We, as believers in
Christ, secure ourselves against the storms of life by grounding
ourselves in the Word of God. We don't need to understand, we just
need to hold His hand to have peace in the midst of the storms.

BUT WHAT THEN, SENOR?

2005-05-17T22:03:00.000-07:00

For People Who Love Their Jobs More Than Their Lives

* Quotation by Dr..Bob Jones, Sr. *

An American businessman was at the pier of a small coastal Mexican village when a small boat with just one fisherman docked. Inside the small boat were several large yellowfin tuna. The American complimented the Mexican on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took to catch them. The Mexican replied, "Only a little while, Senor."

The American then asked, "Why didn't you stay out longer and catch more fish?" The Mexican said he had enough to support his family's immediate needs. The American then asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

The Mexican fisherman said, "I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, take siesta with my wife, Maria, stroll into the village each evening where I sip wine and play guitar with my amigos. I have a full and busy life, Senor."

The American scoffed, "I am a Harvard MBA and could help you. You should spend more time fishing and with the proceeds, buy a bigger boat. With the proceeds from the bigger boat you could buy several boats, eventually you would have a fleet of fishing boats. Instead of selling your catch to a middleman you would sell directly to the processor, eventually opening your own cannery. You would control the product, processing and distribution. You would need to leave this small coastal fishing village and move to Mexico City, then LA and eventually NYC where you will run your expanding enterprise."

The Mexican fisherman asked, "But Senor, how long will this all take?"

To which the American replied, "15-20 years."

"But what then, Senor?"

The American laughed and said, "That's the best part. When the time is right you would announce an IPO and sell your company stock to the public and become very rich, you would make millions."

Millions, Senor? Then what?"

The American said, "Then you would retire. Move to a small coastal fishing village where you would sleep late, fish a little, play with your kids, take siesta with your wife, stroll to the village in the evenings where you could sip wine and play your guitar with your amigos."

"You mean being a Harvard MBA, you have to go through all that to finally get to where I already am, Senor?"

----------------------------------------------
"Jesus never taught men how to make a living. He taught men how to live"
---------------------------------------------

PRAYER:
"Only this hour is mine, Lord ,
Teach me to use it first for Thee;
Then for my family and neighbors,
For this country you gifted me...
May every precious passing hour
Always count for eternity."

Baseball and the hereafter

2005-05-17T19:10:00.000-07:00

Two ninety year old men, Moe and Sam, have been friends all their
lives. It seems that Sam is dying of cancer, and Moe comes to visit him every
day.

"Sam," says Moe, "You know how we have both loved baseball all our
lives, and how we played minor league ball together for so many years. Sam,
you have to do me one favor. When you get to Heaven, and I know you will go
to Heaven, somehow you've got to let me know if there's baseball in
Heaven."

Sam looks up at Moe from his death bed, and says, "Moe, you've been my
best friend many years. This favor, if it is at all possible, I'll do it for
you."

And shortly after that, Sam passes on.

It is midnight a couple of nights later. Moe is sound asleep when he is
awakened by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calls out to
him, "Moe.... Moe...."

"Who is it?" says Moe sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"

"Moe, it's me, Sam."

"Come on. You're not Sam. Sam just died."

"I'm telling you," insists the voice. "It's me, Sam!"

"Sam? Is that you? Where are you?"

"I'm in heaven," says Sam, "and I've got to tell you, I've got really
good news and a little bad news."

"So, tell me the good news first," says Moe.

"The good news," says Sam "is that there is baseball in heaven. Better
yet, all our old buddies who've gone before us are there. Better yet, we're
all young men again. Better yet, it's always spring time and it never rains
or snows. And best of all, we can play baseball all we want, and we never
get tired!"

"Really?" says Moe, "That is fantastic, wonderful beyond my wildest
dreams!

But, what's the bad news?"

"You're pitching next Tuesday."

Homily Of Love

2005-05-16T12:45:00.000-07:00

When you think of your past love,you may view it as
a failure. but when you find a new love, you view the
past as a teacher. in the game of love, it doesn't
really matter who won or who lost. what is important
is you know when to hold on & when to let go. you
knw you really love someone when you want him or her
to be happy, even if their happiness means that
you're not part of it.

Everything happens for the best. if the person you
love doesn't love you back, don't be afraid to love
someone else again, for you'll never know unless you
give it a try. you'll never love the person you love
unless you risk for love. love strives in hurting.
if you don't get hurt, you don't learn how to love.
love doesn't hurt you all the time. though hurting
is still there to test you, to help you grow.

Don't find love, let love find you. that's why it's
called falling in love because you don't force
yourself to fall. you just fall. you cannot finish
a book without closing it's chapters. if you want to
go on, then you have to leave the past as you turn
the pages.

Love is not destroyed by a single failure or won by
a single caress. it is a lifetime venture in which
we are always learning, discovering & growing. we
lose someone we love only when we are destined to
find someone else who can love us even more than we
can love ourselves. on falling out of love, take
sometime to heal & then get back on the horse. but
don't ever make the same mistake of riding the same
one that threw you the first time.

To love is to risk rejections, to live is to risk
dying, to hope is to risk failure. but risk must be
taken because the greatest hazard in life is risk
nothing. to reach for another is to risk involve-
ment, to expose your feelings is to expose true self.
TO LOVE IS TO RISK NOT TO BE LOVED IN RETURN.

How to define LOVE: fall but do not stumble, be
constant but not too persistent, share & never be
unfair, understand & not to demand, hurt but never
keep the pain.

Love is like a knife. it can stab the heart or it
carve wonderful images into the soul that always last
for a lifetime. love is supposed to be the most won-
derful feeling. it should inspire you & give you joy
& strength. but sometimes the things that give you
joy can also hurt you in the end. loving people means
giving them the freedom who they choose to be &
where they choose to be. for all the heartaches & the
tears, for gloomy days & fruitless years, you should
give thanks, for you know, that there were the things
that helped you grow.

Loving someone means giving him the freedom to find
his way, whether it leads towards you or away from you.
love is a painful risk to take but the risk must be
taken no matter how scary or painful, for only then
you'll experience the fullness of humanity & that is
love.

Only love can hurt your heart, fill you with desire &
tear you apart. only love can make you cry & only
love knows why.

When you decide to love, allow it to grow.
When you promise to love, refuse to let it die.

Three Things In Life

2005-05-10T07:05:00.000-07:00

Three Things In Life:

Three things in life that, once gone, never come back -
Time, Words & Opportunity

Three things in life that may never be lost -
Peace, Hope & Honesty.

Three things in life that are most valuable -
Love, Faith & Prayer

Three things in life that are never certain -
Dreams, Success & Fortune

Three things that make a man -
Hard work, Sincerity & Commitment

Three things in life that can destroy a man -
Lust, Pride & Anger

Three things that are truly constant -
Father, Son and Holy Ghost

I ask the Lord to bless you, as I pray for you today;
to guide you and protect you, as you go along your way.
His love is always with you, His promises are true.
And when you give Him all your cares, you know He'll see you through.

Life Explained

2005-05-09T16:42:00.000-07:00

On the first day God created the dog. God said, "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. I will give you a life span of twenty years."

The dog said, "That's too long to be barking. Give me ten years and I'll give you back the other ten." So God agreed.

On the second day God created the monkey. God said, "Entertain people, do monkey tricks, make them laugh. I'll give you a twenty-year life span."

The monkey said, "How boring, monkey tricks for twenty years? I don't think so. Dog gave you back ten, so that's what I'll do too, okay?" And God agreed.

On the third day God created the cow. God said, "You must go to the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer. I will give you a life span of sixty years."

The cow said, "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. Let me have twenty and I'll give back the other forty." And God agreed again.

On the fourth day God created man. God said, "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. I'll give you twenty years."

Man said, "What? Only twenty years! Tell you what, I'll take my twenty, and the forty the cow gave back and the ten the monkey gave back and the ten the dog gave back, that makes eighty, okay?"

"Okay," said God, "you've got a deal."

So that is why the first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves; for the next forty years we slave in the sun to support our family; for the next ten years we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren; and for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 Cups of Coffee

2005-05-07T12:00:00.000-07:00

When things in your lives seem almost too much to handle, when 24
hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar and the 2 cups of
coffee.

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items
in front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large
and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He
then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into
the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open
areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the
jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the
jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if
the jar was full. The students responded with an unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the
table and poured the entire contents into the jar effectively filling the
empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor as the laughter subsided, "I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are
the important things---God, your family, your children, your health,
your friends and your favorite passions---and if everything else was
lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your
house and your car.

The sand is everything else---the small stuff. "If you put the
sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or
the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and
energy on the small stuff you will never have room for the things that are
important to you.

"Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness.
Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your
spouse out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean
the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first---
the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee
represented. The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked.
It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may
seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Please share this with someone you care about. I JUST DID.

The Rain

2005-05-06T15:13:00.000-07:00

One rainy afternoon I was driving along one of the main streets
of town, taking those extra
precautions necessary when the roads are wet and slick.
Suddenly, my daughter, Aspen,
spoke up from her relaxed position in her seat. "Dad, I'm
thinking of something."
This announcement usually meant she had been pondering some
fact for a while, and
was now ready to expound all that her six-year-old mind had
discovered. I was eager to hear.
"What are you thinking?" I asked.
"The rain! ;" she began, "is like sin, and the windshield
wipers are like God wiping our sins away."
After the chill bumps raced up my arms I was able to respond.
"That's really good, Aspen."
Then my curiosity broke in. How far would this little girl take
this revelation? So I asked... Do you notice how the rain
keeps on coming? What does that tell you?
Aspen didn't hesitate one moment with her answer:
"We keep on sinning, and God just keeps on forgiving us."
I will always remember this whenever I turn my wipers on.
Isn't it distressing to know that when you forward this message
you will not send it to many
on your address list because you're not sure what they believe,
or what they will think of you for
sending it to them.
Funny how I can be more worried about what other people think
of me than what God thinks of
me.
In order to see the rainbow, you must first endure some rain.

The Shoe Box

2005-05-05T11:01:00.000-07:00

There was once a man and woman who had been married for more than 60
years. They talked about everything. They kept no secrets from each
other except that the old woman had a shoe box in the top of her
closet that she cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.

For all these years he had never thought about the box, but one day
the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said she would not
recover. In trying to sort out their affairs the little old man took
down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside. She agreed that
it was time he should know what was in the box.

When he opened it he found 2 crocheted doilies and a stack of money
totaling $25,000. He asked her about the contents.. "When we were
married," she said, "my grandmother told me the secret of a happy
marriage was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry
with you, I should just! keep quiet and crochet a doily.

The little old man was so moved: he had to fight back tears. Only 2
precious doilies were in the box. She had only been angry with him 2
times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with
happiness.

"Honey", he said, "that explains the doilies, but what about all this
money? Where did it come from?"

"Oh," she said, "that's the money I made from selling the doilies."

A prayer:

I pray for wisdom to understand my man,
Love to forgive him, and patience for his moods.
Because, Lord, if I pray for strength,
I'll beat him to death.

What does love means

2005-05-02T16:55:00.000-07:00

What does Love mean?

A group of professional people posed this question to a
group of 4- to 8-year-olds, "What does love mean?" The
answers they got were broader and deeper than anyone could
have imagined. See what you think:

"When my grandmother got arthritis, she couldn't bend over
and paint her toenails anymore. So my grandfather does it
for her all the time, even when his hands got arthritis
too. That's love."
Rebecca- age 8

When someone loves you, the way they say your name is
different. You just know that your name is safe in their
mouth."
Billy - age 4

"Love is when a girl puts on perfume and a boy puts on
shaving cologne and they go out and smell each other."
Karl - age 5

"Love is when you go out to eat and give somebody most of
your French
fries without making them give you any of theirs."
Chrissy -age 6

"Love is what makes you smile when you're tired."
Terri - age 4

"Love is when my mommy makes coffee for my daddy and she
takes a sip before giving it to him, to make sure the taste is OK."
Danny - age 7

"Love is when you kiss all the time. Then when you get
tired of kissing, you still want to be together and you
talk more. My Mommy and Daddy are like that. They look
gross when they kiss"
Emily - age 8

"Love is what's in the room with you at Christmas if you
stop opening presents and listen."
Bobby - age 7 (Wow!)

"If you want to learn to love better, you should start with
a friend who you hate,"
Nikka - age 6 (we need a few million more Nikka's on this
planet)

"Love is when you tell a guy you like his shirt, then he
wears it everyday."
Noelle - age 7

"Love is like a little old woman and a little old man who
are still friends even after they know each other so well."
Tommy - age 6

"During my piano recital, I was on a stage and I was
scared. I looked at all the people watching me and saw my
daddy waving and smiling. He was the only one doing that. I
wasn't scared anymore."
Cindy - age 8

"My mommy loves me more than anybody. You don't see anyone
else kissing me to sleep at night."
Clare - age 6

"Love is when Mommy gives Daddy the best piece of chicken."
Elaine-age 5

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy smelly and sweaty and still
says he is handsomer than Robert Redford."
Chris - age 7

"Love is when your puppy licks your face even after you
left him alone all day." (my personal favorite)
Mary Ann - age 4

"I know my older sister loves me because she gives me all
her old clothes and has to go out and buy new ones."
Lauren - age 4

"When you love somebody, your eyelashes go up and down and
little stars come out of you." (what an imagination)
Karen - age 7

"Love is when Mommy sees Daddy on the toilet and she
doesn't think it's gross."
Mark - age 6

"You really shouldn't say 'I love you' unless you mean it.
But if you mean it, you should say it a lot. People
forget."
Jessica - age 8

And the final one -- Author and lecturer Leo Buscaglia once
talked about a contest he was asked to judge. The purpose
of the contest was to find the most caring child.

The winner was a four year old child whose next door
neighbor was an elderly gentleman who had recently lost his
wife. Upon seeing the man cry, the little boy went into the
old gentleman's yard, climbed onto his lap, and just sat
there. When his Mother asked what he had said to the
neighbor, the little boy said, "Nothing, I just helped him
cry"

When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find
out that God is all you need. Take 60 seconds and give this
a shot! All you do is simply say the following small prayer
for the person who sent you this.

Father God, bless all my friends in whatever it is that You
know they may be needing this day! And may their life be
full of your peace, prosperity and power as he/she seeks to
have a closer relationship with you. Amen.

Price of Children ( A UNIQUE PERSPECTIVE)

2005-04-28T14:41:00.000-07:00

I have repeatedly seen the breakdown of the cost of raising a child, but this is the first time I have seen the rewards listed this way. It's nice, really nice!!
The government recently calculated the cost of raising a child from birth to 18 and came up with $160,140 for a middle income family. Talk about sticker shock! That doesn't even touch college tuition.

But $160,140 isn't so bad if you break it down. It translates into $8,896.66 a year, $741.38 a month, or $171.08 a week. That's a mere $24.24 a day! Just over a dollar an hour.

Still, you might think the best financial advice is don't have children if you want to be "rich." Actually, it is just the opposite.

What do you get for your $160,140?

Naming rights. First, middle, and last!

Glimpses of God every day.

Giggles under! the covers every night.

More love than your heart can hold.

Butterfly kisses and Velcro hugs.

Endless wonder over rocks, ants, clouds, and warm cookies.

A hand to hold, usually covered with jelly or chocolate.

A partner for blowing bubbles, flying kites, building sandcastles, and skipping down the sidewalk in the pouring rain.

Someone to laugh yourself silly with, no matter what the boss said or how your stocks performed that day.

For $160,140, you never have to grow up.

You get to finger-paint, carve pumpkins, play hide-and-seek, catch lightning bugs, and never stop believing in Santa Claus.

You have an excuse to keep reading the Adventures of Piglet and Pooh, watching Saturday morning cartoons, going to Disney movies, and wishing on stars.

You get to frame rainbows, hearts, and flowers under refrigerator magnets and collect spray painted noodle wreaths for Ch! ristmas, hand prints set in clay for Mother's Day, and cards with backward letters for Father's
Day.

For $160,140, there is no greater bang for your buck.

You get to be a hero just for retrieving a Frisbee off the garage roof, taking the training wheels off a bike, removing a splinter, filling a wading pool, coaxing a wad of gum out of bangs, and coaching a baseball team that never wins but always gets treated to ice cream regardless.

You get a front row seat to history to witness the first step, first word, first bra, first date, and first time behind the wheel.

You get to be immortal.

You get another branch added to your family tree, and if you're lucky, a long list of limbs in your obituary called grandchildren and great grandchildren.

You get an education in psychology, nursing, criminal justice, communications, and human sexuality that no college can match.

In the eyes of a child,! you rank right up there under God.

You have all the power to heal a boo-boo, scare away the monsters under the bed, patch a broken heart, police a slumber party, ground them forever, and love them without limits, so . . . one day they will, like you, love without counting the cost.

ENJOY YOUR KIDS, GRANDKIDS, AND GREAT-GRANDKIDS!

Never Try To Outsmart A Woman!

2005-04-27T10:58:00.000-07:00

There was a man who had worked all his life, had saved all of his money, and was a real miser when it came to his money. Just before he died, he said to his wife, "When I die. I want you to take all my money and put it in the casket with me. I want to take my money to the afterlife with me. "And so he got his wife to promise him with all her heart that when he died, she would put all of the money in the casket with him. Well, he died. He was stretched out in the casket; his wife was sitting there in black, and her friend was sitting next to her. When they finished the ceremony, just before the undertakers got ready to close the casket, the wife said, "Wait just a minute! "She had a box with her; she came over with the box and put it in the casket. Then ! the undertakers locked the casket down, and the rolled it away. So her friend said, "Girl, I know you weren't fool enough to put all that money in there with your husband". The loyal wife replied, "Listen, I'm a Christian, I can't go back on my word. I promised him that I was going to put that money in that casket with him." "You mean to tell me you put that money in the casket with him. "I sure did" said the wife. "I got it all together, put it into my account and wrote him a cheque. If he can cash it, he can spend it."

Women Are Smarter Than Men

Due to inherit a fortune when his sickly, widower father died, Charles decided he needed a woman to enjoy it with. Going to a singles' bar, he spotted a woman whose beauty took his breath away. "I'm just an ordinary man," he said, walking up to her, "but in just a week or two, my father will die and I'll inherit 20 million dollars." The woman went home with Charles, and the next day she became his stepmother. ;o)

WOMEN Vs MEN

Women's Revenge

"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse. "So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most legal evil thing I could do to him.

Understanding Women (A Man's Perspective)

I know I'm not going to understand women. I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax, pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root, and still be afraid of a spider.

Words

A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day... 30,000 to a man's 15,000. The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men. The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

Stupid And Beautiful

A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time." The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!

The Beast

Husband and wife were in the midst of a violent quarrel, and hubby was losing his temper. "Be careful," he said to his wife. "You will bring out the beast in me." So what?" his wife shot back. "Who's afraid of a mouse?"

Coffee

A man and his wife were having an argument about who should brew the coffee each morning. The wife said, "! You should do it, because you get up first, and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee." The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee." Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee." Husband replies! , "I can't believe that, show me." So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says...."HEBREWS"

How was I born?

2005-04-19T19:56:00.000-07:00

CYRUS SAYS: Daddy, how was I born?

DAD SAYS: Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Well, you see, your Mom and I first got together in a chat room on MSN. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: You've Got Male! =)

you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you

2005-04-13T17:58:00.000-07:00

A well-known speaker started off his seminar by holding up a
$20.00
bill. In the room of 200, he asked, "Who would like this $20
bill?"

Hands started going up.

He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you but first,
let
me do this."

He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill.

He then asked, "Who still wants it?"

Still the hands were up in the air.

"Well," he replied, "What if I do this?"

And he dropped it on the ground and started to grind it into the
floor with his shoe.

He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.

"Now, who still wants it?"

Still the hands went into the air.

"My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson."

"No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it because
it
did not decrease in value."

"It was still worth $20."

"Many times in our lives, we are dropped, crumpled, and ground
into
the dirt by the decisions we make the circumstances that come our
way."

"We feel as though we are worthless."

"But no matter what has happened or what will happen, you will
never
lose your value."

"Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, you are still
priceless
to those who DO LOVE you."

"The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know,
but
by WHO WE ARE."

"You are special.. Don't EVER forget it."

Irish Luck

2005-04-13T00:22:00.000-07:00

His name was Fleming, and he was a poor Scottish farmer. One day, while trying to make a living for his family, he heard a cry for help coming from a nearby bog. He dropped his tools and ran to the bog.

There, mired to his waist in black muck, was a terrified boy, screaming and struggling to free himself. Farmer Fleming saved the lad from what could have been a slow and terrifying death.

The next day, a fancy carriage pulled up to the Scottsman's sparse surroundings. An elegantly dressed nobleman stepped out and introduced himself as the father of the boy Farmer Fleming had saved.

"I want to repay you," said the nobleman. "You saved my son's life."

"No, I can't accept payment for what I did," the Scottish farmer replied waving off the offer. At that moment, the farmer's own son came to the door of the family hovel.

"Is that your son?" the nobleman asked.

"Yes," the farmer replied proudly.

"I'll make you a deal. Let me provide him with the level of education my own son will enjoy. If the lad is anything like his father, he'll no doubt grow to be a man we both will be proud of." And that he did.

Farmer Fleming's son attended the very best schools and in time, graduated from St. Mary's Hospital Medical School in London, and went on to become known throughout the world as the noted Sir Alexander Fleming, the discoverer of Penicillin.

Years afterward, the same nobleman's son who was saved from the bog was stricken with pneumonia.

What saved his life this time? Penicillin.

The name of the nobleman? Lord Randolph Churchill. His son's name?

Sir Winston Churchill.

Someone once said: What goes around comes around.

Work like you don't need the money.

Love like you've never been hurt.

Dance like nobody's watching.

Sing like nobody's listening.

Live like it's Heaven on Earth.

It's National Friendship Week. Send this to everyone you consider A FRIEND.

Pass this on, and brighten someone's day.

AN IRISH FRIENDSHIP WISH: You had better send this back!! Good Luck!

I hope it works...

May there always be work for your hands to do;

May your purse always hold a coin or two;

May the sun always shine on your windowpane;

May a rainbow be certain to follow each rain;

May the hand of a friend always be near you;

May God fill your heart with gladness to cheer you.

Accuracy in Spelling????

2005-03-24T15:21:00.000-08:00

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.
The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid. Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in what oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit
pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a
porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by
istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas thought
slpeling was ipmorantt.

Living to 100

2005-03-23T11:56:00.000-08:00

George Carlin's Views On Aging

Do you realize that the only time in our lives when we like to get old is when we're kids? If you're less than 10 years old, you're so excited about aging that you think in fractions.

"How old are you?" "I'm four and a half!"

You're never thirty-six and a half. You're four and a half, going on five!

That's the key.

You get into your teens, now they can't hold you back.
You jump to the next number ... or even a few ahead.

"How old are you?" "I'm gonna be 16!" You could be 13, but hey, you're gonna be 16!

And then the greatest day of your life you become 21.
Even the words sound like a ceremony . . . YOU BECOME 21.
YESSSS!!!

But then you turn 30.
Oooohh what happened there?
Makes you sound like bad milk.
He TURNED; we had to throw him out.

There's no fun now.
You're just a sour-dumpling.
What's wrong? What's changed?
You BECOME 21, you TURN 30, then you're PUSHING 40. Whoa!
Put on the brakes .. it's all slipping away.

Before you know it, you REACH 50 and your dreams are gone.
But wait!!! You MAKE IT to 60.
You didn't think you would!

So you BECOME 21, TURN 30, PUSH 40, REACH 50 and MAKE IT to 60.

You've built up so much speed that you HIT 70!
After that it's a day-by-day thing; you HIT Wednesday!

You get into your 80s and every day is a complete cycle;
you HIT lunch; you TURN 4:30; you REACH bedtime.

And it doesn't end there
Into the 90s, you start going backwards ...
"I Was JUST 92."

Then a strange thing happens.
If you make it over 100, you become a little kid again.
"I'm 100 and a half!"

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

HOW TO STAY YOUNG

1. Throw out nonessential numbers.

This includes age, weight and height.
Let the doctors worry about them.
That is why you pay "them!"

2. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning.

Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever.
Never let the brain idle.
"An idle mind is the devil's workshop."
And the devil's name is Alzheimer's.
.
4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often ... long and loud.

Laugh until you gasp for breath.
.
6. The tears happen.

Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves.
Be ALIVE while you are alive.
.
7. Surround yourself with what you love ...

whether it's .. family, pets, keepsakes,
music, plants, hobbies, whatever.
Your home is your refuge.
.
8. Cherish your health.

If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.
.
9. Don't take guilt trips.
Take a trip to the mall ... even to the next county .
to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them at every opportunity.

AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.

And if you don't send this to at least 8 people .. Who Cares!
But do share this with someone. We all need to live life to its fullest each day.

FUNNY!

2005-03-18T11:41:00.000-08:00

Have you ever spoken and wished that you could immediately take the
words back..or that you could crawl into a hole? Here are the
Testimonials of a few women who did...

FIRST TESTIMONY:

I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow and
asked loudly, "How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?"
I turned around and walked back out and never went back. My husband
didn't say a word...he knew better.

SECOND TESTIMONY:
I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was
unhappy with the women's type I had been using. After browsing for
several minutes, I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemen who work
at the store. He asked if he could help me. Without thinking, I looked at
him and said, "I think I like playing with men's balls."

THIRD TESTIMONY:
My sister and I were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a
variety of candy and nuts. As we were looking at the display case, the
boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help. I replied, "No, I'm just
looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically, the boy grinned,
and I turned beet-red and walked away. To this day, my Sister has never let me
forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY:
While in line at the bank one afternoon, my toddler decided to release
some pent-up energy and ran amok. I was finally able to grab hold of her
after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons. I told her
that if she did not start behaving "right now" she would be punished. To
my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in a voice just as
threatening, "If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that
I saw you kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!" The silence was deafening
after this enlightening exchange. Even the tellers stopped what they
were doing. I mustered up the last of my dignity and walked out of the bank
with my daughter in tow. The last thing I heard when the door closed
behind me were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:
Have you ever asked your child a particular question too many times?
My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was
on him constantly. One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunch in
between errands. It was very busy, with a full dining room. While
enjoying my taco, I smelled something funny, so, of course, I checked my
seven-month-old daughter, and she was clean. Then, I realized that Danny
had not asked to go potty in a while, so I asked him if he needed to go,
and he said "No". I kept thinking, "Oh Lord, that child has had an
accident, and I don't have any clothes with me." Then I said, "Danny,
are you SURE you didn't have an accident?" "No," he replied. I just KNEW
that he must have had an accident, because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?" This
time he jumped up, yanked down his pants, bent over and spread his
cheeks and yelled, "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!" While 30 people nearly choked
to death on their tacos laughing, he calmly pulled up his pants and sat
down. An old couple made me feel better by thanking me for the best laugh
they'd ever had!

LAST TESTIMONY:
An embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think
before she speaks. What happens when you predict snow -- but don't get any....a
true story.

We had a female news anchor who, the day after it was supposed to have
snowed and didn't, turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's
that 8 inches you promised me last night?" Not only did HE have to leave
the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!

10 differences between a winner and a loser

2005-03-14T22:39:00.000-08:00

1. When a winner commits a mistake he says "I am wrong".
When a loser commits a mistake he says "It's not my fault"

2. A winner works harder and has more time than a loser. A
loser always is too busy to do what is necessary.

3. A winner faces and solves his problems. A loser does otherwise.

4. A winner compromises, a loser makes promises.

5. A winner would say "I am good but not as good as I want to
be". A loser would say "I am not as bad as the others"

6. A winner listens, understands and responds. A loser only
waits until it is his turn to speak.

7. A winner respects people who are superior to him and would
like to learn from them. A loser does otherwise, and would try to find
his superiors'faults.

8. A winner is responsible not just for his own work. A loser
will note dare help others and would say "I'm just doing my job."

9. A winner would say "There should be a better way to do it." A
loser would say "This is the only way to do it."

10. A winner like you will share this with his friends.A loser
will just keep this to himself because he doesn't have time sharing
this with others.

INSTALLING LOVE

2005-03-14T10:11:00.000-08:00

Tech Support: "Yes, ... how can I help you?"

Customer: "Well, after much consideration, I've decided to install Love.
Can you guide me though the process?"

Tech Support: "Yes. I can help you. Are you ready to proceed?"

Customer: "Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready. What do I
do first?"

Tech Support: "The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located
your Heart?"

Customer: "Yes, but there are several other programs running now. Is it
okay to install Love while they are running?"

Tech Support: "What programs are running ?"

Customer: "Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge and
Resentment running right now."

Tech Support: "No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from your
current operating system. It may remain in your permanent memory but it
will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually override Low
Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High Self-Esteem. However,
you have to completely turn off Grudge and Resentment. Those programs prevent
Love from being properly installed. Can you turn those off ?"

Customer: "I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me how?"

Tech Support: "With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke
Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and Resentment have been completely erased."

Customer: " Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is that
normal?"

Tech Support: "Yes, but remember that you have only the base program.
You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the upgrades."

Customer: "Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error -
Program not run on external components " What should I do?"

Tech Support: "Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up to
run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart. In
non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself before
you can Love others."

Customer: "So, what should I do?"

Tech Support: "Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following
files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your
Limitations."

Customer: "Okay, done."

Tech Support: "Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system
will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty programming.
Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from all directories
and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely gone and never
comes back. "

Customer: "Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files. Smile is
playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying themselves
all over My Heart. Is this normal?"

Tech Support: "Sometimes. For others it takes a while, but eventually
everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and
running.

One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give it
and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn share it
with others and return some cool modules back to you."

Customer: "Thank you God"

FAMILY AND FRIENDS

2005-03-11T19:08:00.000-08:00

1 Timothy 3:4"He must manage his own family well,with children who respect and obey him"

I ran into a stranger as he passed by,"Oh, excuse me please" was my reply.He said, "Please excuse me too;Wasn't even watching for you.

We were very polite, this stranger and I.We went on our way and we said good-bye.But at home a different story is told,How we treat our loved ones, young and old.

Later that day, cooking the evening meal,My daughter stood beside me very still.When I turned, I nearly knocked her down."Move out of the way," I said with a frown.

She walked away, her little heart was broken.I didn't realize how harshly I'd spoken.While I lay awake that night in bed,God's still small voice came to me and said,

"While dealing with a stranger, common courtesy you use,But the ones you love, you seem to abuse.Go look down on your kitchen floor,You'll find some flowers there by the door.

Those are the flowers she brought for you.She picked them herself, pink, yellow and blue.She stood quietly not to spoil the surprise,and you never saw the tears in her eyes.

"By this time, I felt very smalland now my tears began to fall.I quietly went and knelt by her bed;"Wake up, little girl, wake up," I said

"Are these the flowers you picked for me?"She smiled, "I found 'em, out by the tree.""I picked 'em because they're pretty like you.I knew you'd like 'em, especially the blue.

"I said, "Daughter, I'm sorry for the way I acted today;I shouldn't have yelled at you that way."She said, "Oh, Mom, that's okay.cause I sure love you anyway.

"I said, "Daughter, I love you too,and I do like the flowers, especially the blue."

That's Why

2005-03-11T19:04:00.000-08:00

On the very first day, God created the cow. He said to the cow, "Today I have created you! As a cow, you must go to the fieldwith the farmer all day long. You will work all day under the sun! Iwill give you a life span of 50 years." The cow objected, "What? This kind of a tough life you want me to live for 50 years? Let me have 20 years, and the 30 years I'll give back to you." So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the dog. God said to the dog, "Youare supposed to do is to sit all day by the door of your house. Any people that come in, you will have to bark at them! I'll give a lifespan of 20 years." The dog objected, "What? All day long to sit by the door? No way!I give you back my other 10 years of life!" So God agreed.

On the third day, God created the monkey. He said to themonkey, "Monkeys have to entertain people. You've got to make them laugh and do monkey tricks. I'll give you 20 years life span." The monkey objected. "What? Make them laugh? Do monkey faces and tricks? Ten years will do, and the other 10 years I'll give you back." So God agreed.

On the fourth day, God created man and said to him, "Your job is to sleep, eat, and play. You will enjoy very much in your life. Allyou need to do is to enjoy and do nothing. This kind of life, I'll give you a 20 year life span." The man objected. "What? Such a good life! Eat, play, sleep, do nothing? Enjoy the best and you expect me to live only for 20 years? No way, man!....Why don't we make a deal? Since the cow gave you back 30 years, and the dog gave you back 10 years and the monkey gave you back 10 years, I will take them from you! That makes my life span 70 years, right?" So God agreed.

AND THAT'S WHY.... In our first 20 years, we eat, sleep, play, enjoy the best and do nothing much. For the next 30 years, we work all day long, suffer and get to support the family. For the next 10 years, we entertain our grandchildren by making monkey faces and monkey tricks. And for the last 10 years, we stay at home, sit by the front door and bark at people!

Be Strong Honey

2005-03-11T19:00:00.000-08:00

MAN ESCAPES FROM PRISON WHERE HE HAS BEEN FOR 15 YEARS. HE BREAKS INTO A HOUSE TO LOOK FOR MONEY AND GUNS AND FINDS A YOUNG COUPLE IN BED. HE ORDERS THE GUY OUT OF BED AND TIES HIM TO A CHAIR.

WHILE TYING THE GIRL TO THE BED HE GETS ON TOP OF HER, KISSES HER NECK, THEN GETS UP AND GOES INTO THE BATHROOM. WHILE HE'S IN THERE, THE HUSBAND TELLS HIS WIFE: "LISTEN, THIS GUY'S AN ESCAPED CONVICT, LOOK AT HIS CLOTHES! HE PROBABLY SPENT LOTS OF TIME IN JAIL AND HASN'T SEEN A WOMAN IN YEARS. I SAW HOW HE KISSED YOUR NECK. IF HE WANTS SEX, DON'T RESIST, DON'T COMPLAIN, DO WHATEVER HE TELLS YOU. SATISFY HIM NO MATTER HOW MUCH HE NAUSEATES YOU. THIS GUY IS PROBABLY VERY DANGEROUS. IF HE GETS ANGRY, HE'LL KILL US. BE STRONG, HONEY. I LOVE YOU"

TO WHICH THE WIFE RESPONDS: "HE WASN'T KISSING MY NECK. HE WAS WHISPERING IN MY EAR. HE TOLD ME HE WAS GAY, THOUGHT YOU WERE CUTE, AND ASKED IF WE HAD ANY VASELINE. I TOLD HIM IT WAS IN THE BATHROOM. BE STRONG HONEY. I LOVE YOU TOO!!"

Holy Bug

2005-03-11T18:50:00.000-08:00

A (really lonely) single guy decides life would be more fun if he had
a pet.

So he went to the pet store and told the owner that he wanted to buy an unusual pet.

After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, (100-legged
bug), which came in a little white box to use for his house.

He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and
decided he would start off by taking his new pet to church with him.

So he asked the centipede in the box, "Would you like to go to church with me today, we will have a good time." But there was no answer from his new pet.

This bothered him a bit , but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, "How about going to church with me and receive blessings." But again, there was no answer from his new friend and pet.

So he waited a few minutes more, thinking about the situation.

He decided to ask him one more time; this time putting his face up
against the centipede's little box-house and shouts, "Hey, in there! Would you like to go to church with me and learn about The Lord?!"

Scroll down!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU ARE GOING TO LOVE THIS!

...................................................................

A little voice came out of the box:
"I heard you the first time! I'm putting on my shoes."

Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid.

2005-03-11T18:43:00.000-08:00

1. Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could
have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen
nuggets. "We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager at the counter.
"You don't?" I replied. "We only have six, nine, or twelve," was the reply.
"So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?" "That's
right."
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets.

2. I was checking out at the local Walmart with just a few items and
the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up
one of those "dividers" that they keep by the cash register and placed it
between our things so they wouldn't get mixed. After the girl had scanned all
of my items, she picked up the "divider", looking it all over for the bar
code so she could scan it. Not finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you
know how much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I don't think
I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I paid her for the things and
left. She had no clue to what had just happened.

3. A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive
and pulling it out very quickly. When I inquired as to what she was doing,
she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit
card number, so she was using the ATM "thingy."

4. I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do
you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced
the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do
you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a
battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No,
just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.
As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't
you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."

5. Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day
she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, "I'm almost out of
typing paper. What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the secretary
told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of
paper,put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.

6. I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large motor home was
towed into the garage. The front of the vehicle was in dire need of repair
and the whole thing generally looked like an extra in "Twister." I asked the
manager what had happened. He told me that the driver had set the
"cruise control" and then went in the back to make a sandwich.

7. My neighbor works in the operations department in the central office
of a large bank. Employees in the field call him when they have problems
with their computers. One night he got a call from a woman in one of the
branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke coming from the back of
my terminal. Do you guys have a fire downtown?"

8.Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by placing a metal
colander on his head and connecting it with wires to a photocopy machine. The
message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and police pressed the copy
button each time they thought the suspect wasn't telling the truth. Believing
the "lie detector" was working, the suspect confessed.

9.A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to
take her kid to the emergency room, the kid was eating ants. The
dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine, the mother
says, I just gave him some ant killer..... Dispatcher: Rush him in to
emergency!

YOU DO MAKE A DIFFERENCE

2005-03-10T09:54:00.000-08:00

A teacher in New York decided to honor each of her seniors in High School by
telling them the difference each of them had made. She called each student to the
front of the class, one at a time. First, she told each of them how they had made a
difference to her, and the class.

Then she presented each of them with a blue ribbon, imprinted with gold
letters, which read, "Who I Am Makes a Difference." Afterwards, the teacher decided to do a class project, to see what kind of impact recognition would have on a Community. She gave each of the students three more blue ribbons, and instructed them to go out and spread this
acknowledgment ceremony. Then they were to follow up on the results, see who honored whom,
and report back to the class in about a week.

One of the boys in the class went to a junior executive in a nearby Company,
and honored him for helping him with his career planning. He gave him a blue ribbon, and
put it on his shirt. Then he gave him two extra ribbons and said, "We're doing a class project on recognition, and we'd like for you to go out, find somebody to honor, give them a blue ribbon, then give them the extra blue ribbon so they can acknowledge a third person, to keep this acknowledgment ceremony going.

Then please report back to me and tell me what happened." Later that day,
the junior executive went in to see his boss, who had been noted, by the way, as being
kind of a grouchy fellow. He sat his boss down, and he told him that he deeply admired him for being a creative genius.

The boss seemed very surprised. The junior executive asked him if he would
accept the gift of the blue ribbon, and would he give him permission to put it on him.
His surprised boss said, "Well, sure." The junior executive took the blue ribbon and placed it right on his boss's jacket, above his heart.

As he gave him the last extra ribbon, he said, "Would you take this extra
ribbon, and pass it on by honoring somebody else. The young boy who first gave me the ribbons is doing a project in school, and we want to keep this recognition ceremony going and find out how it affects people."

That night, the boss came home to his 14-year-old son, and sat him down. He
said, "The most incredible thing happened to me today. I was in my office, and one of the
junior executives came in and told me he admired me, and gave me a blue ribbon for being a
creative genius. Imagine! He thinks I'm a creative genius! Then he put this blue ribbon that
says, "Who I Am Makes a Difference", on my jacket above my heart. He gave me an extra ribbon
and asked me to find somebody else to honor.

As I was driving home tonight, I started thinking about whom I would honor
with this ribbon, and I thought about you. I want to honor you.

My days are really hectic and when I come home, I don't pay a lot of
attention to you. Sometimes I scream at you for not getting good enough grades in school, and for your bedroom being a mess. But somehow tonight, I just wanted to sit here and,
well, just let you know that you do make a difference to me. Besides your mother, you are the most important person in my life. You're a great kid, and I love you!"

The startled boy started to sob and sob, and he couldn't stop crying. His
whole body shook. He looked up at his father and said through his tears, "Dad, earlier tonight I sat in my room and wrote a letter to you and Mom, explaining why I had killed myself, and I asked you to forgive me. I was going to commit suicide tonight after you were asleep. I just didn't think that you cared at all. The letter is upstairs. I don't think I need it after all." His father walked upstairs and found a heartfelt letter full of anguish and pain.

The boss went back to work a changed man. He was no longer a grouch, but
made sure to let all of his employees know that they made a difference. The junior
executive helped several other young people with career planning, and never forgot to let them know that they made a difference in his life......one being the boss' son. And the young boy and his classmates learned a valuable lesson, "Who you are DOES make a difference."

THE SEVEN WONDERS OF THE WORLD

2005-03-06T02:41:00.000-08:00

A group of students were asked to list what they thought were the present
"Seven Wonders of the World." Though there were some disagreements,
the following received the most votes:

1. Egypt's Great Pyramids

2. Taj Mahal

3. Grand Canyon

4. Panama Canal

5. Empire State Building

6. St. Peter's Basilica

7. China's Great Wall

While gathering the votes, the teacher noted that one student
had not finished her paper yet. So she asked the girl if
she was having trouble with her list. The girl replied,
"Yes, a little. I couldn't quite make up my mind
because there were so many."

The teacher said, "Well, tell us what you have, and
maybe we can help.

"The girl hesitated, then read, "I think the
'Seven Wonders of the World' are:

1. To See

2. To Hear

3. To Touch

4. To Taste

5. To Feel

6. To Laugh

7. And to Love."

The room was so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.
The things we overlook as simple and ordinary and that
we take for granted are truly wondrous!

A gentle reminder --
that the most precious things in life
cannot be built by hand or bought by man.

POLITE LANGUAGE

2005-03-02T19:06:00.000-08:00

A mother was working in the kitchen, listening to her five-year-old son
playing with his new electric train in the living room. She heard
the train stop & her son saying, "All of you b@stards who want off, get
the hell off now, 'cause this is the last stop! And all of you
b@stards who are getting on, get your ass in the train, Cause we're
going down the tracks."

The horrified mother went in & told her son, "We don't use that kind of
language in this house. Now I want you to go to your room & stay
there for TWO HOURS. When you come out, you may play with your train,
but I want you to use nice language."

Two hours later, the son came out of the bedroom & resumed playing with
his train. Soon the train stopped & the mother heard her son say,
"All passengers who are disembarking the train, please remember to take
all of your belongings with you. We thank you for travelling with
us today & hope your trip was a pleasant one."

She hears the little boy continue, "For those of you just boarding, we
ask you to store all of your hand luggage under your seat.
remember, there is no smoking on the train. We hope you will have a
pleasant and relaxing journey with us today."

As the mother began to smile, the child added, "For those of you who are
pissed off about the TWO HOUR delay, please direct your
complaints to the fat bitch in the kitchen."

Men

2005-03-02T09:11:00.000-08:00

Men are like ... newborn babies
They're cute at first, but you get tired of picking up their crap.

Men are like ... coffee
The best ones are rich, hot and can keep you up all night.

Men are like ... computers.
Hard to figure out and never enough memory.

Men are like ... coolers.
Load them with beer and you can take them anywhere.

Men are like ... chocolate bars.
Sweet, smooth and they usually head right for your hips.

Men are like ... power tools
They make a lot of noise, but it's hard to get them to work.

Men are like ... remote controls
Simple. Easy to use. And usually lying around a TV.

Men are like .... shag carpets.
Soft, fuzzy and extremely easy to walk on.

Men are like ... vacuum cleaners
They're not much fun, but at least you get to push them around.

Men are like ... road kill
They usually just lie around until they start to smell.

Men are like ... soap operas
They're fun to watch, but don't believe everything you hear.

Men are like ... pillows
Eventually, even the best ones get soft and lumpy.

Men are like ... old car tires
Balding, full of hot air, and it never hurts to have a spare.

Men are like ... plastic wrap
Cheap. Clingy. And very easy to see through.

Men are like ... department stores
Their clothes should always be half off.

Men are like ... horoscopes.
They always tell you what to do and are usually wrong.

Men are like ... plungers.
They spend most of their lives in a hardware store or the bathroom.

... men! can't live with them, can't live without them ;)

When You Divorce Me, Carry Me Out in Your Arms

2005-02-28T17:32:00.000-08:00

On my wedding day, I carried my wife in my arms. The bridal car stoppedin front of our one-room flat. My buddies insistedthat I carry her out of the car in my arms. So I carried her into ourhome. She was then plump and shy. I was a strong and happy bridegroom.

This was the scene of ten years ago.

The following days were as simple as a cup of pure water: we had a kid,I went into business and tried to make more money.When the assets were steadily increasing, the affections between usseemed to ebb. She was a civil servant. Every morning we left hometogether and got home almost at the same time. Our kid was studying in aboarding school.

Our marriage life seemed to be enviably happy. But the calm life wasmore likely to be affected by unpredictable changes.Dew came into my life.It was a sunny day. I stood on a spacious balcony. Dew hugged me frombehind. My heart once again was immersed in herstream of love. This was the apartment I bought for her.

Dew said, "You are the kind of man who best draws girls' eyeballs. Herwords suddenly reminded me of my wife. When we justmarried, my wife said, "Men like you, once successful, will be veryattractive to girls." Thinking of this, I became somewhat hesitant. Iknew I had betrayed my wife. But I couldn't help doing so.

I moved Dew's hands aside and said," You go to select some furniture,O.K.? I've got something to do in the company."Obviously she was unhappy, because I had promised her to go and see withher. At the moment, the idea of divorce became clearer in my mindalthough it used to be something impossible to me.

However, I found it rather difficult to tell my wife about it. No matterhow mildly I mentioned it to her, she would be deeply hurt. Honestly,she was a good wife. Every evening she was busy preparing dinner. I wassitting in front of the TV. The dinner was ready soon. Then we watchedTV together. Or, I was lounging before the computer, visualizing Dew'sbody. This was the means of my entertainment.

One day I said to her in a slight joking way, "suppose we divorce, whatwill you do?" She stared at me for a few seconds without a word.Apparently she believed that 'divorce' was something too far away fromher. I couldn't imagine how she would react once she got to know I wasserious.

When my wife went to my office, Dew had just stepped out. Almost all thestaff looked at my wife with a sympathetic eye and tried to hidesomething while talking with her. She seemed to have got some hint. Shegently smiled at my subordinates. But I read some hurt in her eyes.

Once again, Dew said to me, "He Ning, divorce her, O.K.? Then we livetogether." I nodded. I knew I could not hesitate any more.

When my wife served the last dish, I held her hand. "I've got somethingto tell you," I said.She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in hereyes.Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let herknow what I was thinking. "I want to divorce." I raised a serious topiccalmly.She didn't seem to be much annoyed by my words, instead she asked mesoftly, "why?". "I'm serious." I avoided her question. This so-calledanswer turned her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted atme, "you are not a man!".

At that night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew shewanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardlygive her a satisfactory answer, because my heart had gone to Dew.

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which statedthat she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. Sheglanced at it and then tore it into pieces. I felt a pain in my heart.The woman who had been living ten years with mewould become a stranger one day. But I could not take back what I hadsaid.

Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expectedto see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release.The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to befirmer and clearer.

A late night, I came back home after entertaining my clients. I saw herwriting something at the table. I fell asleep fast.When I woke up, I found she was still there. I turned over and wasasleep again.

She brought up her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me,but I was supposed to give her one month's time before divorce, and inthe month's time we must live as normal life as possible. Her reason wassimple: our son would finish his summer vacation amonth later and she didn't want him to see our marriage was broken.

She passed me the agreement she drafted, and then asked me, "He Ning, doyou still remember how I entered our bridal room on the wedding day?".This question suddenly brought back all those wonderful memories to me.I nodded and said, "I remember".

"You carried me in your arms", she continued, "so, I have a requirement,that is, you carry me out in your arms on the day when we divorce. Fromnow to the end of this month, you must carry me out from the bedroom tothe door every morning."

I accepted with a smile. I knew she missed those sweet days and wishedto end her marriage with a romantic form.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions. She laughed loudly andthought it was absurd. "No matter what tricks she does, she has to facethe result of divorce," she said scornfully. Her words more or less mademe feel uncomfortable.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce in tention wascarried her out for the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our sonclapped behind us, "daddy is holding mummy in his arms." His wordsbrought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, thento the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closedher eyes and said softly, "Let us start from today, don't tell our son."I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. Shewent to wait for bus, I drove to office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on mychest. We were so close that I could smell the fragrance of her blouse.I realized that I hadn't looked at this intimate woman carefully for along time. I found she was not young any more. There were some finewrinkles on her face.On the third day, she whispered to me, "The outside garden is beingdemolished. Be careful when you pass there."On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I seemed to feel that we werestill an intimate couple and I was holding my sweetheart in my arms. Thevisualization of Dew became vaguer.

On the fifth and sixth day, she kept reminding me something, such as,where she put the ironed shirts, I should be careful while looking, etc.I nodded. The sense of intimacy was even stronger.

I didn't tell Dew about this.

I felt it was easier to carry her. Perhaps the everyday workout made mestronger. I said to her, "It seems not difficult to carry you now."

She was picking her dresses. I was waiting to carry her out. She triedquite a few but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, "All mydresses have grown fatter." I smiled. But I suddenly realized that itwas because she was thinner that I could carry her more easily, notbecause I was stronger. I knew she had buried all the bitterness in herheart. Again, I felt a sense of pain. Subconsciously I reached out ahand to touch her head.

Our son came in at the moment. "Dad, it's time to carry mum out." Hesaid. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had been anessential part of his life. She gestured our son to come closer andhugged him tightly. I turned my face because I was afraid I would changemy mind at the last minute. I held her in my arms, walking from thebedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surroundedmy neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly, as if we cameback to our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step.Our son had gone to school. She said, "Actually I hope you will hold mein your arms until we are old."

I held her tightly and said, "Both you and I didn't notice that our lifewas lack of such intimacy."I jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraidany delay would make me change my decision. I walked upstairs. Dewopened the door. I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I won't divorce. I'mserious."

She looked at me, astonished. The she touched my forehead. "You got nofever." She said. I moved her hand off my head."Sorry, Dew," I said, "I can only say sorry to you, I won't divorce. Mymarriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value thedetails of life, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now Iunderstand that since I carried her into the home, she gave birth to ourchild, I am supposed to hold her until I am old. So I have to say sorryto you."

Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammedthe door and burst into cry. I walked downstairs anddrove to the office.

When I passed the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet for mywife which was her favorite. The salesgirl asked me towrite the greeting words on the card. I smiled and wrote, "I' ll carryyou out every morning until we are old."

In Celebration of Women Over 30

2005-02-25T05:17:00.000-08:00

As I grow in age, I value women who are over 30
most of all. Here are just a few reasons why:

A woman over 30 will never wake you in the middle
of the night to ask," What are you thinking?" She
doesn't care what you think.

If a woman over 30 doesn't want to watch the
game, she doesn't sit around whining about it. She
does something she wants to do. And, it's usually
something more interesting.

A woman over 30 knows herself well enough to be
assured in who she is, what she is, what she
wants and from whom.
Few women past the age of 30 give a damn what
you might think about her or what she's doing.

Women over 30 are dignified. They seldom have a
screaming match with you at the opera or in the
middle of an expensive restaurant. Of course, if you
deserve it, they won't hesitate to shoot you, if they
think they can get away with it.

Older women are generous with praise, often
undeserved. They know what it's like to be
unappreciated.

A woman over 30 has the self-assurance to
introduce you to her women friends. A younger
woman with a man will often ignore even her best
friend because she doesn't trust the guy with other
women. Women over 30 couldn't care less if you're
attracted to her friends because she knows her
friends won't betray her.

Women get psychic as they age. You never have
to confess your sins to a woman over 30. They
always know.

A woman over 30 looks good wearing bright red
lipstick. This is not true of younger women or drag
queens.

Once you get past a wrinkle or two, a woman over
30 is far sexier than her younger counterpart.

Older women are forthright and honest. They'll tell
you right off if you are a jerk if you are acting like
one! You don't ever have to wonder where you
stand with her.

Yes, we praise women over 30 for a multitude of
reasons. Unfortunately, it's not reciprocal. For
every stunning, smart, well-coiffed hot woman of
30+, there is a bald, paunchy relic in yellow pants
making a fool of himself with some 22-year-old
waitress.
-Andy Rooney from CBS 60 Minutes

Real Success

2005-02-23T16:43:00.000-08:00

There are as many definitions of success as there are people who pursue it. Real success is what feels right to you, what you know in your heart that it is.

If you have to compromise your most deeply held values to achieve success, that isn't success. If you have to make yourself miserable to achieve success, that isn't success.

Real success comes from bringing to life the best of who you are. It has nothing to do with acquiring trinkets or exercising power over others.

Real success comes when you use each moment to express a purpose that is uniquely you. Success is a gift you work to give rather than a position you strive to attain.

You can never be happy by accumulating things you don't truly cherish, no matter how many of them you may have. Happiness is yours when you simply let it be, with no conditions and no requirements.

Move on past the disappointment that comes from following a dream that is not yours. Be the best of who you are, and live the joy of real success.
-- Ralph Marston

Love is...

2005-02-23T16:31:00.000-08:00

My husband is an Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature, and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.

Three years of courtship and now, two years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before,has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings, I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girlyearning for candy. My husband, is my complete opposite, his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriagehas disheartened me about love.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce."Why?" he asked, shocked."I am tired, there are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seems to be in deep thought with a lighted cigarette at all times.My feeling of disappointment only increased, here was a man who can't even express his predicament, what else can I hope from him?And finally he asked me:" What can I do to change your mind?"

Somebody said it right, it's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered : "Here is the question, if you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind, Let's say,I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death, will you do it for me?"

He said :" I will give you your answer tomorrow...."My hopes just sank by listening to his response.I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting, underneath a milk glass, on the dining table nearthe front door, that goes....

My dear,

"I would not pick that flower for you, but please allow me to explain the reasons further.."

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

"When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen, I have to saved my fingers so that I canhelp to restore the programs.

You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.

You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city, I have to save my eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month, I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cureyour boredom.

You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes, I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clipyournails,and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and thebeautiful sand... and tell you the color of flowers, just like the color of the glow on your young face...

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die.. "

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting... and as I continue on reading...

"Now, that you have finished reading my answer, if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favoritebreadand fresh milk...

I rush to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread....

Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone...That's life, and love.

When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace anddullness.

Love shows up in all forms, even very small and cheeky forms, it has never been a model, it could be the most dull and boring form... flowers, andromantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship.

Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... and that's our life... Love, not words win arguments.

Rubber Bands

2005-02-23T08:18:00.000-08:00

I LOVE RUBBER BANDS Let me tell you a crazy story I heard recently.

There's this husband who out of sheer love for his wife decided to prove it to her. So he swam the widest oceans, crossed the deepest rivers, and climbed the highest mountains to show his deep devotion to her. But in the end, she divorced him. Why? Because he was never home. (Get it?)

Let me tell you an experience I had as a kid. One day, I asked Mom, "Why do my shoes keep eating my socks?" As a young boy, that was always a mystery for me. All my other classmates never had that problem. Their socks remained tight and high up their legs the entire day. Mom didn't answer my question but simply gave me two rubber bands which I dutifully placed around the top of my socks. To this day, fifteen years later, I still have permanent circle marks around my legs. But aside from giving me this slight defect, the two bands worked like magic. It never occurred to me that Dad and Mom didn't have the money to buy a new pair of socks for me. So I wore five-year-old socks, allsoggy, grayish, and garterless. And yet amazingly, I never complained. I believe it was because Dad was always home when I needed him. Every
night, after coming from work, we'd jog together, sit around, and talk about Tarzan, Farrah Fawcett Majors, God, and what I wanted to be when I grew up (astockholder). On Saturdays, we'd walk to Cubao, eat a hot-dog-on-a-stick, and buy new rubber bands
before going home. I've learned that in truth, we don't want our loved ones to show their love for us in big ways. Swimming the widest oceans, crossing the deepest rivers, and climbing the highest mountains seem spectacular --but that's not what we really
want. Deep in our hearts, we just want them home. With us. Sometimes, God will operate that way. Suddenly, He decides not to answer our prayers, or fill our need, or heal our sickness, or give us the miracle we're asking for. (He's got reasons why He won't, and believe me -- they're pretty good ones.) So He'll just be there beside you, holding you in a hug. Sharingyour pain. Weeping as you weep. Oh, He might give you some rubber bands. And that small comfort from Him will be more than enough to sustain you. Because the most essential truth you already know. Daddy's home. By Bo Sanchez From his book: Thank God He's Boss!

Leaving Limitations Behind

2005-02-22T17:02:00.000-08:00

There is some way to get beyond every limiting factor that exists outside you. The limitations within you, however, are the ones that most stubbornly hold you back.

The challenges and obstacles outside you usually require time, effort and persistence to get beyond. Getting past the limitations within you requires nothing more than the simple act of letting go.

Yet all too often, those self-imposed limitations persist, day after day, year after year. But every one of them can be gone the moment you choose to let go.

Why do you cling so tightly to the limiting thoughts, the assumptions, and the feelings that hold you back? It doesn't really matter why.

What matters is that you realize those self-imposed limitations are not a permanent part of you. You can choose, at any time, to leave them behind.

When you do, you'll find that you can easily and naturally handle whatever challenges life may throw your way. When you leave your limitations behind, you'll be moving quickly and solidly ahead. -- Ralph Marston

You Can Smile

2005-02-22T11:19:00.000-08:00

There are many troubles that will burst like bubbles,There are many shadows that will disappear;

When you learn to meet them, with a smile to greet them,For a smile is better than a frown or tear.

Tho' the world forsake you, joy will overtake you,Hope will soon awake you, if you smile today;

Don't parade yur sorrow, wait until tomorrow,For your joy and hope will drive the clouds away.

When the clouds are raining, don't begin complaining,What the earth is gaining should not make you sad;

Do not be a fretter, smiling is much better,And a smile will help to make the whole world glad.

You can smile when you can't say a word,You can smile when you cannot be heard;

You can smile when it's cloudy or fair,You can smile anytime, anywhere.

The Resume of Jesus Christ

2005-02-21T19:58:00.000-08:00

Address:

Ephesians 1:20

Phone: Romans 10:13

Website: The Bible. Keywords: Christ, Lord, Savior and Jesus

Hello. My name is Jesus -The Christ. Many call me Lord! I've sent you my resume because I'm seeking the top management position in your heart. Please consider my accomplishments as set forth in my resume.

Qualifications

I founded the earth and established the heavens, (See Proverbs 3:19)
I formed man from the dust of the ground, (See Genesis 2:7)
I breathed into man the breath of life, (See Genesis 2:7)
I redeemed man from the curse of the law, (See Galatians 3:13)
The blessings of the Abrahamic Covenant comes upon your life through me, (See Galatians 3:14)

Occupational Background

I've only had one employer, (See Luke 2:49).
I've never been tardy, absent, disobedient, slothful or disrespectful. My employer has nothing but rave reviews for me, (See Matthew 3:15-17)

Skills/Work Experiences

Some of my skills and work experiences include: empowering the poor to be poor no more, healing the brokenhearted, setting the captives free, healing the sick, restoring sight to the blind and setting at liberty them that are bruised, (See Luke 4:18).

I am a Wonderful Counselor, (See Isaiah 9:6).
People who listen to me shall dwell safely and shall not fear evil, (See Proverbs 1:33).

Most importantly, I have the authority, ability and power to cleanse you of your sins, (See I John 1:7-9)

Educational Background

I encompass the entire breadth and length of knowledge, wisdom and understanding, (See Proverbs 2:6).

In me are hid all of the treasures of wisdom and knowledge, (See Colossians 2:3).

My Word is so powerful; it has been described as being a lamp unto your feet and a lamp unto your path, (See Psalms 119:105).

I can even tell you all of the secrets of your heart, (See Psalms 44:21).

Major Accomplishments

I was an active participant in the greatest Summit Meeting of all times, (See Genesis 1:26).

I laid down my life so that you may live, (See II Corinthians 5:15).

I defeated the archenemy of God and mankind and made a show of them openly, (See Colossians 2:15).

I've miraculously fed the poor, healed the sick and raised the dead!

There are many more major accomplishments, too many to mention here. You can read them on my website, which is located at: www dot - the BIBLE. You don't need an Internet connection or computer to access my website.

References

Believers and followers worldwide will testify to my divine healings, salvation, deliverance, miracles, restoration and supernatural guidance.

In Summation

Now that you've read my resume, I'm confident that I'm the only candidate uniquely qualified to fill this vital position in your heart.

In summation, I will properly direct your paths, (See Proverbs 3:5-6), and lead you into everlasting life, (See John 6:47). When can I start? Time is of the essence, (See Hebrews 3:15).

Send this resume to everyone you know, you never know who may have an opening! Thanks for your help and may God bless you!

Choice of Attitude

2005-02-21T19:40:00.000-08:00

Your attitude is not something you're stuck with forever.
You can change it whenever you wish.

Your attitude does not define you. It does, however, represent you to the rest of the world.

Your attitude does not determine who you are. It does, however, determine what you can accomplish.

Your attitude is not the inevitable result of events that happen to you or circumstances that surround you. It is, instead, based on the way you choose to respond to the events and circumstances in your life.

You can choose an attitude that will open your eyes to the valuable possibilities. You can choose an attitude that will attract success and accomplishment to you like a magnet.

No matter what has happened in the past or where you are now, you are free to choose whatever attitude you wish. So choose, in every moment, a positive, empowering attitude.

For that will always serve you best.
-- Ralph Marston

Hello God

2005-02-20T20:06:00.000-08:00

Hello God,
I called tonight
To talk a little while
I need a friend who'll listen
To my anxiety and trial.

You see, I can't quite make it
Through a day just on my own...
I need your love to guide me,
So I'll never feel alone.

I want to ask you please to keep
My family safe and sound.
Come and fill their lives with confidence
For whatever fate they're bound.

Give me faith, dear God, to face
Each hour throughout the day,
And not to worry over things
I can't change in any way.

I thank you God for being home
And listening to my call,
For giving me such good advice
When I stumble and fall.

Your number, God, is the only one
That answers every time.
I never get a busy signal,
Never had to pay a dime.

So thank you, God, for listening
To my troubles and my sorrow.
Good night, God, I love You too,
And I'll call again tomorrow!

Reasons Why You Are Blessed

2005-02-20T13:53:00.000-08:00

1. If you own a Bible, you are abundantly blessed-about 1/3 of the world does not have access to one.

2. If you wake up each morning with more health than illness, you are blessed to rise and shine, to live and to serve in a new day.

3. If you have anyone on the planet, just one person that loves you and listens to you; count this a blessing.

4. If you can freely attend a church meeting without fear, then you are more blessed than over 1/3 of the world.

5. If you have a yearning in your heart to parent a child, you are blessed because you still desire what you cannot see.

6. If you pray today or any day, you are blessed because you believe in God's willingness to hear your prayer.

7. If you pray for someone else, you are blessed because you want to help others also.

8. If you have food in your refrigerator, clothes on your back, a roof over your head, and a place to sleep; all at the same time; you are rich in this world;

9. If you have a brother or sister in Christ that will pray with you and for you, then you benefit from a spiritual unity, bond, and agreement, which the gates of hell cannot stand against.

10. If you have any earthly family that even halfway loves you and support you, are blessed beyond measure.

11. If you attend a church with a church family that offers you one word of encouragement, you are blessed with some form of fellowship.

12. If you have money in the bank, in your wallet, or some spare change in a dish someplace you are among the world's wealthy.

13. If you can go to bed each night, knowing that God loves you, you are blessed beyond measure.

14. If you try each day to imitate our Lord Jesus Christ for even a minute, you are blessed because you show a willingness to grow up in Him.

15. If you can read this message, you are more blessed than about 2/3 of the world.

16. If you have never had to endure the hardship and agony of battle, imprisonment, or torture, you are blessed in indescribable measure.

17. If you have a voice to sing His praises, a voice to witness God's love, and a voice to share the gospel, you are blessed. About 1/3 of the world does not even know who the one true God is.

18. If you can hold someone's hand, hug another person, touch someone on the shoulder, you are blessed because you can offer God's healing touch.

19. If you can share a word of encouragement with someone else, and do it with His love in your heart, you are blessed because you have learned how to give.

20. If you have the conviction to stand fast upon His Word and His promises, no matter what, you are blessed because you are learning patience, endurance, and tenacity.

21. If you hold up your head with a smile on your face and are truly thankful, you are blessed because most people can, but won't. Go Now... And... May You Have a blessed day.

21 Suggestions for Success

2005-02-20T01:55:00.000-08:00

1) Marry the right person. This one decision will determine 90 of your happiness or misery.

2) Work at something you enjoy and thats worthy of your time and talent.

3) Give people more than they expect and do it cheerfully.

4) Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.

5) Be forgiving of yourself and others

6) Be generous

7) Have a grateful heart

8) Persistence, persistence, persistence

9) Discipline yourself to save money on even the most modest salary

10) Treat everyone you meet like you want to be treated

11) Commit yourself to constant improvement

12) Commit yourself to quality.

13) Understand that happiness is not based on possessions, power, or prestige, but on relationships with people you love and respect.

14) Be loyal

15) Be honest

16) Be a self-starter

17)Be decisive even if it means you'll sometimes be wrong.

18) Stop blaming others. Take responsibility for every area of your life.

19) Be bold and courageous. When you look back on your life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the ones you did.

20) Take good care of those you love.

21) Don't do anything that wouldn't make your mom proud.

Tips on Life

2005-02-19T10:48:00.000-08:00

1. Throw out nonessential numbers. This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay "them!"

2. Keep only cheerful friends. The grouches pull you down.

3. Keep learning. Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever. Never let the brain idle.

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often ... long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath.

6. The tears happen. Endure, grieve, and move on. The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourselves so Be ALIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love whether it's ... family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your sacred refuge.

8. Cherish your health. If it is good, preserve it. If it is unstable, improve it. If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips. Take a trip to the mall... even to the next county ...to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them. ..at every opportunity.REMEMBER that life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath away.May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!

Corporate Math

2005-02-16T15:01:00.000-08:00

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder
about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been
to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How about
achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these
questions:

I f:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work and
Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's the
Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top

Happy Hearts Day!!!

2005-02-14T14:26:00.000-08:00

"For God so loVed the world,

That He gAve

His onLy

BegottEn

SoN

That whosever

Believeth In Him

Should Not perish,

But have Everlasting life."

John 3:16

YOU INVITED THEM

2005-02-11T09:03:00.000-08:00

I felt as if I were trapped in a scene from the movie "The Birds." Nearlyfifty sparrowsand robins in trees all around me appeared strangely menacing, waiting foranotherkernel of my popcorn to fall to the ground. Laughing nervously, I asked mydad, whowas visiting, "How did they all get here?"

How did they all get here? I wasn't just thinking of the birds. My mind wasalso playinghost to fears I was feeling about my life. At first, it was just one fear:that I'd fail at mynew job because I couldn't keep up with the pressures. Next it was the fearthat I'd be trapped at this job because I needed the money and security. Then I could seemyselfenslaved to work, without friends or family, and all alone in my old age. Myfears wereslowly paralyzing me, and now I was even fearful of being held captive by afewsparrows and robins.

My father's answer interrupted my thoughts. "How did they get here? Youinvited them!"

I had, of course. I'd tossed popcorn to the first little bird, and quicklythe others arrived.Just as with my fears, I had invited that first one, allowed it to stay,indulged it by letting it feed on my anxiety, and quickly the others arrived. I turned again to myfather andasked, "How do I get rid of them?"

"Just leave them." I knew right then that I was hosting the wrong guests.That night,instead of entertaining a fitful sleep, I renewed my invitation to my Lord: "I sought the Lord, and He answered me, And delivered me from all my fears"(Psalm 34:4). The next day at the office I made a sign for my desk to remindme.It read:

DO NOT FEED THE FEARS

No, I wouldn't. I knew with Whom to leave them now.

"FATHER, I know that your love casts out fear, and that with Your help I can confront them and walk away into confident leaving."

P.S.With fear in its "proper" place, I was able to take some meaningfulaction at work. I sought my boss' help and together, we restructured thedutiesand hired an assistant.

PRAYER
"Lord Jesus, I give you my hands to do your work. I give you my feet to goyour way. I give you my eyes to see as you do. I give you my tongue to speakyour words. I give you my mind that you may think in me. I give you myspirit that you may pray in me. Above all, I give you my heart that you may love in me,your Father, and all mankind. I give you my whole self that you may grow inme,so that it is you, Lord Jesus, who live and work and pray in me."(Prayer from The Grail)

What a Woman Should Have

2005-02-09T12:34:00.000-08:00

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE one old love she can imagine going back to

and one who reminds her how far she has come...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE enough money within her control to move out and

rent a place of her own even if she never wants to or needs to...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE something perfect to wear if the employer or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE a youth she's content to leave behind,

a past juicy enough that she's looking forward to retelling it in her old age...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra,

one friend who always makes her laugh and one who lets her cry...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone

else in her family, eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal that will make her guests feel honored...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE a feeling of control over her destiny...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW how to fall in love without losing herself... HOW TO QUIT A JOB...BREAK UP WITH A LOVER... CONFRONT A FRIEND WITHOUT RUINING THE FRIENDSHIP... when to try harder ... and WHEN TO WALK AWAY...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW that she can't change the length of her calves, the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents.... that her childhood may not have been perfect but it's over...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW what she would and wouldn't do for love or more...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW how to live alone ... even if she doesn't like it...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW whom she can trust, whom she can't, and why she shouldn't take it personally... where to go... be it to her best friend's kitchen table... or a charming inn in the woods... when her soul needs soothing...

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW... what she can and can't accomplish in a day... a month...and a year.

ALZHEIMERS' TEST

2005-02-04T13:15:00.000-08:00

Count the "F" in the following text:

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC
STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS... (SEE BELOW)

HOW MANY ?

.... 3?

WRONG, THERE ARE 6 !!-- no joke.

READ IT AGAIN !

The reasoning behind is further down.

The brain cannot process "OF".
Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!
Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is
a genius.

Three is normal, four is quite rare.

Something to ponder on

2005-02-02T10:01:00.000-08:00

One day a father of a very wealthy family took his son on a trip to the country with the firm purpose of showing his son how poor people live. They spent a couple of days and nights on the farm of what would be considered a very poor family. On their return from their trip, the father asked his son, "How was the trip?" "It was great, Dad." "Did you see how poor people live?" the father asked. "Oh yeah," said the son. "So, tell me, what did you learn from the trip?" asked the father. The son answered: "I saw that we have one dog and they had four. We have a pool that reaches to the middle of our garden and they have a creek that has no end. We have imported lanterns in our garden and they have the stars at night. Our patio reaches to the front yard and they have the whole horizon. We have a small piece of land to live on and they have fields that go beyond our sight. We have servants who serve us, but they serve others. We buy our food, but they grow theirs. We have walls around our property to protect us, they have friends to protect them." The boy's father was speechless. Then his son added, "Thanks, Dad, for showing me how poor we are." Isn't perspective a wonderful thing? Makes you wonder what would happen if we all gave thanks for everything we have, instead of worrying about what we don't have. Appreciate every single thing you have, especially your friends! Life is too short and friends are too few."

Satan's Meeting

2005-01-31T19:43:00.000-08:00

Satan called a worldwide convention of demons. In his opening address he said,
"We can't keep Christians from going to church."
"We can't keep them from reading their Bibles and knowing the truth."
"We can't even keep them from forming an intimate relationship with their saviour."
"Once they gain that connection with Jesus, our power over them is broken."
"So let them go to their churches; let them have their covered dish dinners, BUT steal their time, so they don't have time to develop a relationship with Jesus Christ.."
"This is what I want you to do," said the devil:
"Distract them from gaining hold of their Saviour and maintaining that vital connection throughout their day!"
"How shall we do this?" his demons shouted.
"Keep them busy in the non-essentials of life and invent innumerable schemes to occupy their minds," he answered.
"Tempt them to spend, spend, spend, and borrow, borrow, borrow."
"Persuade the wives to go to work for long hours and the husbands to work 6-7 days each week, 10-12 hours a day, so they can afford their empty lifestyles."
"Keep them from spending time with their children."
"As their families fragment, soon, their homes will offer no escape from the pressures of work!"
"Over-stimulate their minds so that they cannot hear that still, small voice."
"Entice them to play the radio or cassette player whenever they drive." To keep the TV, VCR, CDs and their PCs going constantly in their home and see to it that every store and restaurant in the world plays non-biblical music constantly."
"This will jam their minds and break that union with Christ."
"Fill the coffee tables with magazines and newspapers."
"Pound their minds with the news 24 hours a day."
"Invade their driving moments with billboards."
"Flood their mailboxes with junk mail, mail order catalogs, sweepstakes, and every kind of newsletter and promotional offering free products, services and false hopes.."
"Keep skinny, beautiful models on the magazines and TV so their husbands will believe that outward beauty is what's important, and they'll become dissatisfied with their wives. "
"Keep the wives too tired to love their husbands at night."
"Give them headaches too! "
"If they don't give their husbands the love they need, they will begin to look elsewhere."
"That will fragment their families quickly!"
"Give them Santa Claus to distract them from teaching their children the real meaning of Christmas."
"Give them an Easter bunny so they won't talk about his resurrection and power over sin and death."
"Even in their recreation, let them be excessive."
"Have them return from their recreation exhausted."
"Keep them too busy to go out in nature and reflect on God's creation. Send them to amusement parks, sporting events, plays, concerts, and movies instead."
"Keep them busy, busy, busy!"
"And when they meet for spiritual fellowship, involve them in gossip and small talk so that they leave with troubled consciences."
"Crowd their lives with so many good causes they have no time to seek power from Jesus."
"Soon they will be working in their own strength, sacrificing their health and family for the good of the cause."
"It will work!"
"It will work!"
It was quite a plan!
The demons went eagerly to their assignments causing Christians everywhere to get busier and more rushed, going here and there.
Having little time for their God or their families.
Having no time to tell others about the power of Jesus to change lives. I guess the question is, has the devil been successful in his schemes? You be the judge!!!!!
Does "BUSY" mean: B-eing U-nder S-atan's Y-oke?

Let it go for 2005

2005-01-11T18:38:00.000-08:00

There are people who can walk away from you. And hear me when I tellyouthis! When people can walk away from you: let them walk. I don't want you to try to talk another person into staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to see you, staying attached to you.I mean hang up the phone. When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never tied to anybody that left. The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]

People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not joined to you, you can't make them stay. Let them go. And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead. You've got to know when it's dead.You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in good-bye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay. Let them go!!!If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was never intended for your life, then you need to ..LET IT GO!!!If you are holding on to past hurts and pains ...LET IT GO!!!If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your worth...LET IT GO!!!If someone has angered you ... LET IT GO!!! If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge .. LET IT GO!!!If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction ... LET ITGO!!!If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or talents ...LET IT GO!!!If you have a bad attitude...LET IT GO!!! If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better... LET IT GO!!!If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level in Him..LET IT GO!!! If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship....LET IT GO!If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help themselves...LET IT GO!!!If you're feeling depressed and stressed .... LET IT GO!!!If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling yourself and God is saying "take your hands off of it," then you needto... LET IT GO!!!Let the past be the past. Forget the former things.GOD is doing a newthing for 2005!!! LET IT GO!!! Get Right or Get Left .. think about it,and then LET IT GO!!!"

God's Boxes

2005-01-11T06:37:00.000-08:00

I have in my hands two boxes, which God gave me to hold. He said, "Put all your sorrows in the black box, and all your joys in the gold." I heeded His words, and in the two boxes, both my joys and sorrows I stored. But though the gold became heavier each day, the black was as light as before. With curiosity, I opened the black,I wanted to find out why, and I saw, in the base of the box, a hole, Which my sorrows had fallen out by.

I showed the hole to God, and mused,"I wonder where my sorrows could be!"He smiled a gentle smile and said,"My child, they're all here with me."I asked God, why He gave me the boxes,Why the gold and the black with the hole?"My child, the gold is for you to count your blessings,The black is for you to let go."We should consider all of our friends a blessing.

The Donkey

2005-01-10T17:36:00.000-08:00

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. Theanimal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure outwhat to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the wellneeded to be covered up anyway; it just wasn't worth it to retrievethe donkey.

He invited all his neighbors to come over and helphim. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into thewell. At first, the donkey realized what was happening and cried horribly.Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He wasastonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, thedonkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a stepup.

As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of theanimal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyonewas amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well andhappily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick togetting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each ofour troubles is a steppingstone. We can get out of the deepest wellsjust by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:
1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less

Best Prayer

2004-12-09T14:55:00.000-08:00

Heavenly Father, Help us remember that the jerk who cut us off in traffic last night is a single mother who worked nine hours that day and is rushing home to cook dinner, help with homework, do the laundry and spend a few precious moments with her children.

Help us to remember that the pierced, tattooed, disinterested young man who can't make change correctly is a worried 19-year-old college student, balancing his apprehension over final exams with his fear of not getting his student loans for next semester.

Remind us, Lord, that the scary looking bum, begging for money in the same spot every day (who really ought to get a job!) is a slave to addictions and mental illness that we can only imagine in our worst nightmares.

Help us to remember that the old couple walking annoyingly slow through the store aisles and blocking our shopping progress are savoring this moment, knowing that, based on the biopsy report she got back last week, this will be the last year that they go shopping together.

Heavenly Father, remind us each day that, of all the gifts you give us, the greatest gift is love. It is not enough to share that love with those we hold dear. Open our hearts not to just those who are close to us, but to all humanity. Let us be slow to judge and quick to forgive, show patience, empathy and love.

Freedom of Simplicity

2004-11-29T09:24:00.000-08:00

Happiness is not found outside of you.
It doesn't come from cars, clothes, cash, or Caribbean cruises.

Happiness is found within. But how can you find it if you don't have thesimplicity of time and space to discover the most important things in your life?

How can you search the depths of your soul if you are too busy impressingothers, acquiring wealth, protecting your properties, and paying your debts?

Simplicity is not about the external either: living in a doghouse,
eating in Hepatitis joints, wearing rags.

Let me define what it is: Simplicity is living from the core of your being.

A TREASURE MAP OF HAPPINESS

Simplicity will point to you where and what and who the gold is in your life. Let me share with you the seven powerful lessons I've learned on simple living:

LIVE ON LESS, AND DELIGHT IN THEM MORE

Some take their pleasure dining in classy restaurants, trips to Europe,
and owning the latest home theatre-equipment.

I've chosen the simple path: If I can simply be with my wife, or take aquiet stroll under a canopy of stars, or play with a child, or read a goodbook in my home, or laugh with friends over a pizza,
I consider myself richly blessed.

Focus on what you have and not on what you don't have.

STOP RUNNING AND WALK INSTEAD

Here's the truth: The person who has covered the greatest distance
does NOT win, but the one who has most enjoyed the journey does.
Stop running around chasing your own tail!

Get off your hurried pace and learn to breathe. Replace doing with being.Learn to say no to invitations, appointments, and commitments, activitiesand events that will rob you of your focus. Learn to say "yes "to rest, to tranquillity, to quietness.

YOU ARE MORE THAN YOUR WEALTH

I own very few things today. Because I am more than the brand of my watch,the logo of my shoes, the name of my car.

I believe that if in my soul I deeply respect and value myself,
people around me will sense that, and they too, will value and respect me -
whether I'm wearing Armani or not.

You are more than your wealth.

AVOID BUYING ON CREDIT

I don't believe in borrowing from credit cards. (For convenience, I useone card but I pay the whole amount at the end of each month.)
If I need something really bad, I save up for it.

Sometimes, at midpoint, I realize I don't really need the darn thing andgive up the whole idea. The only exception I feel we should enter into acredit is when buying a non-depreciating item, such as housing or land.

I believe we should always live within our earning capacity.

Proverbs 22:7 says, "Those who borrow are slaves of moneylenders."

GIVE AS MUCH AS YOU CAN

If I content myself with P250 shirt instead of P4,000 Lacoste,
I can help others more. Trust me, there is immense pleasure!

You will find that the empty thrill of owning a diamond ring on your fingerpales in comparison to the joy of handling a piece of bread to an orphan child.

A SPECIAL GROCERY LIST

2004-11-22T02:32:00.000-08:00

Louise Redden, a poorly dressed lady with a look of defeat on her
face, walked into a grocery store. She approached the owner of the store in a most humble manner and asked if he would let her charge a few groceries.

She softly explained that her husband was very ill and unable to
work, they had seven children and they needed food.

John Longhouse, the grocer, scoffed at her and requested that she
leave his store at once.

Visualizing the family needs, she said: "Please, sir! I will bring
you the money just as soon as I can."

John told her he could not give her credit, since she did not have
a charge account at his store.

Standing beside the counter was a customer who overheard the
conversation between the two. The customer walked forward and told the
grocer that he would stand good for whatever she needed for her family.

The grocer said in a very reluctant voice, "Do you have a grocery
list?"

Louise replied, "Yes sir." "O.K" he said, "put your grocery list on
the scales and whatever your grocery list weighs, I will give you that
amount in groceries."

Louise, hesitated a moment with a bowed head, then she reached into
her purse and took out a piece of paper and scribbled something on it. She
then laid the piece of paper on the scale carefully with her head still
bowed.

The eyes of the grocer and the customer showed amazement when the
scales went down and stayed down.

The grocer, staring at the scales, turned slowly to the customer
and said begrudgingly, "I can't believe it."

The customer smiled and the grocer started putting the groceries on
the other side of the scales. The scale did not balance so he continued to
put more and more groceries on them until the scales would hold no more.

The grocer stood there in utter disgust. Finally, he grabbed the
piece of paper from the scales and looked at it with greater amazement.

It was not a grocery list, it was a prayer, which said:
"Dear Lord, you know my needs and I am leaving this in your hands."

The grocer gave her the groceries that he had gathered and stood in
stunned silence.

Louise thanked him and left the store. The other customer handed a
fifty-dollar bill to the grocer and said;

"It was worth every penny of it.. Only God Knows how much a prayer
weighs."

THE POWER OF PRAYER: When you receive this, say a prayer. That's
all you have to do.

Just stop right now, and say a prayer of thanks for your own good
fortune.

I believe if you will send this testimony out with prayer in faith,
you will receive what you need God to do in your and your families' life.

So dear heart, trust God to heal the sick,provide food for the
hungry, clothes and shelter for those that don't have as we do.

Prayer is one of the best free gifts we receive.

There is no cost but a lot of rewards.

May you always walk with Angels ... God Bless You!

For Making a Better Couple

2004-11-02T10:48:00.000-08:00

1. Be realistic about each other. Don't try to turn ur partner into something he or she is not. Let's face it, guys-there's only 1 Pamela Anderson in the world, and even she has had her implants removed! Give ur gal a break and understand that her physical appearance is NOT going to change overnite with the help of a few facials or treatments. And ladies, Brad Pitt has already been taken, so u're gonna have to do with what ur guy is like! Chill out, love each other for what u are. There is more to ur partner than what meets the eye.

2. Always talk things out. Now guys, I know this is not ur fave pastime or mode of resolving issues, but u know what? This works with the gals. Don't make assumptions about each other's feelings. Learn to xpress urself better so that ur partner undrstands what u're angry about, or hurt about, or even happy about! When u stop talking to each other from the heart, it's the beginning of the end

3. Do stuff together. Make an effort to do things together. Do some sports or involve urselves in some shared activities; something both of u enjoy or are interested in. It could be as simple as watching movies together, or jus strolling hand-in-hand down Orchard Road. Watch soccor with him once in a while though the green patch on TV puts u to sleep in 3 seconds. And guys, do give in if ur gal asks for another day at window-shopping, rather than suggest that she go out with her girlfriends for "that sort of activities" instead. If u're spending more time with ur friends rather than with ur partner, it's a warning sign that u're drifting apart!!!

4. Meet each other halfway. If he agrees to throw out that rotten T-shirt with the "The_Rock" print, u shouldn't kick up much of a fuss if he asks u to keep ur room tidy. There's gotta be a little giving and taking in a relationship, so learn to meet each other halfway

5.Show ur love. Buy her flowers or candy or perfume everynow and then, even if u have been together for 5years. It's wonderful to continue showing someone that u care for him or her. Cook him a special meal, paint him a Valentine's Day card. Knit him mini-socks he can't wear ( like for decoration purposes => ), buy him a packet of milk for breakfast, or pack his wardrobe for him...so he knows u can still be romantic and loving despite having been together for quite a while.

6. Respect each other. Stop making jokes about her hair or skin, or whatever it is u love to laugh at. Ask urself if she thinks if its funny. And if he has an inferiority complex about his height, stop ogling at tall guys and make him feel worse! Love is about respecting each other's feelings and being sensitive to each other at all times.

7. Bury the past. Stop bringing up the past. Gals..don't bring up the happy things about u and ur ex to ur guy, it would just make him jealous or unhappy. And guys, don't talk about the happy times that u had with ur ex or mention about her in ur every other sentence as it would make ur gal feel un-happy and she might think that u saying all this b'cos u are gonna get back with ur ex or not interested in her anymore.

8. Sit on ur jealousy. All of us go thru' spells of insecurity at the beginning of the relationship, but don't translate that insecurity into jealousy. If u're gonna go through ur partner's mail and cupboard, and eavesdropping on conversations, u know something is wrong - with u!!! Jealousy is like a poison that slowly spreads thru' the relationship before finally killing it. Trust ur partner; love has to have trust in it.

9. Keep ur commitments to each other. If ur partner is standing u up all the time and cancelling dates and breaking promises, u need to talk! If u're in a relationship, make ur partner ur priority and don't disappoint them if u can help it. It's really terrible when someone promises to take u to dinner, and then calls to cancel it. Don't make promises u can't keep. If ur partner starts to feel that he/she is not important enough to u, u may just lose him/her.

10. Be honest. Honesty is not scowling at how awful she looks first thing in the morning, or telling him that he has the biceps of a fly~! When we say "be honest", we mean expressing ur feelings clearly, not being bitingly cruel. When u're hurt, say so, and when u're angry, tell him/her, w/o getting hysterical. If u can't be honest with ur partner, who can u be honest with? Love is also about honesty, and a relationship where no honesty exists probably isn't worth it!

Choices and Chances

2004-11-01T09:01:00.000-08:00

"When we meet the right person to love when we're at the right place atthe right time. That's chance.

When you meet someone you're attracted to, that's not a choice. That's chance.

Being caught up in a moment (and there's a lot of couples who get together because of this) is not a choice. That's also a chance.

The difference is what happens afterward. When will you take that infatuation, that crush, that mind-blowing attraction to the next level?

That's when all sanity goes back, you sit down and contemplate whether you want to make this into a concrete relationship or just a fling. If you decide to love a person, even with his faults, that's not a chance. That's choice.

When you choose to be with a person, no matter what, that's choice. Even if you know there are many people out there who are more attractive, smarter, and richer than your mate, and yet, you decide to love your mate just the same, that's choice.

Infatuation, crushes, attraction comes to us by chance. But true love that lasts is truly a choice. A choice that we make.

Regarding soulmates, there's a beautiful movie quote that I believe is so true about this: "Fate brings you together, but it's still up to you to make it happen."

I do believe that soulmates do exist. That there is truly someone made for you. But it's still up to you to make the choice if you're going to do something about it or not. We may meet our soulmates by chance, but loving and staying with our soulmate is still a choice we have to make."

Well Said

2004-10-29T08:32:00.000-07:00

In a brief conversation, a man asked a woman he was pursuing the question,"What kind of man are you looking for?" She sat quietly for a moment before looking him in the eye and asking.

"Do you really want to know?" Reluctantly, he said, "Yes." She began to expound.

As a woman in this day and age, I am in a position to ask a man what he can do for me that I can't do for myself. I pay my own bills. I take care of my household without the help of any man...or woman for that matter.

I am in the position to ask, "What can you bring to the table?" The man looked at her. Clearly he thought that she was referring to money. She quickly corrected his thought and stated, "I am not referring to money. I need something more." I need a man who is striving for perfection in every aspect of life." He sat back in his chair, folded his arms, and asked her to explain. She said, "I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection mentally because I need conversation and mental stimulation. I don't need a simple-minded man." I am looking for someone who is striving for perfection spiritually because I don't need to be unequally yoked... believers mixed with unbelievers is a recipe for disaster. I need a man who is striving for perfection financially because I don't need a financial burden. I am looking for someone who is sensitive enough to understand what I go through as a woman, but strong enough to keep me grounded. I am looking for someone who I can respect. In order to be submissive, I must respect him. I cannot be submissive to a man who isn't taking care of his business. I have no problem being submissive...he just has to be worthy. God made woman to be a helpmate for man. I can't help a man if he can't help himself.

When she finished her spill, she looked at him. He sat there with a puzzled look on his face. He said, "You're asking a lot." She replied, "I'm worth a lot."

THINGS GOD WON'T ASK

2004-10-14T18:21:00.000-07:00

God won't ask what kind of car you drove. He'll ask how many people youdrove who didn't have transportation

God won't ask the square footage of your house. He'll ask how many peopleyou welcomed into your home.

God won't ask about the clothes you had in your closet. He'll ask how manyyou helped to clothe.

God won't ask what your highest salary was. He'll ask if you compromisedyour character to obtain it.

God won't ask what your job title was. He'll ask if you performed your jobto the best of your ability.

God won't ask how many friends you had. He'll ask how many people to whomyou were a friend.

God won't ask in what neighborhood you lived. He'll ask how you treatedyour neighbors.

God won't ask about the color of your skin. He'll ask about the content ofyour character.

God won't ask why it took you so long to seek Salvation. He'll lovinglytake you to your mansion in heaven, and not to the gates of Hell.

The Perfect Person

2004-08-20T13:33:00.000-07:00

For as long as long as I can remember, I have been searching for the perfect girl. Since I was old enough to begin longing for female companionship, I have been on the hunt. I guess it started out as just a simple dream or fantasy, not unlike most of us. The strange thing about it was that it never stayed just a dream or a fantasy. The more people I dated, the more times I was let down, the more I hungered for that perfect person, the one that would fill all of my needs and desires, the one that would never let me down.

I dated girl after girl. Some of them were great while others got me into some trouble. Some of them made me laugh, but a lot of them made me cry. Through my journey, I found a lot of joy and a lot of sorrow, a lot of happiness and a lot of pain, but never the perfect girl. I had dreamed about her. Dark hair, darker eyes, a slim figure tinted golden brown from the sun. She had anaccent and could play the cello. She would love to talk, but wouldn't expect me to talk too much. She would always ask me how my day was and would always have a smile on her face; absolute perfection.

I began to devise methods in how I would meet the girls I would date. I knew I wanted an intelligent girl, so I hung out in libraries and museums. I meet this real crazy girl at a library
after school one day. She was smart and sexy and, well? crazy. I would rather not go into a lot of details about it. Let's just say she had some real deep-seated anxieties about our relationship and, consequentially, our break up.

I knew I wanted an artistic girl, so I went to music stores and coffee shops, I even tried a couple of classical concerts. I met this wonderfully cute girl who dressed really dark and loved to write poetry. She was great, we used to stay up all night long talking about thesilliest things, but she ended up dumping me for some guy who did drugs and rode a motorcycle.

I got into a car accident with a girl driving a Pontiac Sunfire. She had no driver's license or car insurance, but she did have a really great smile and the prettiest hair. Instead of calling the
police, we called in sick and went out to eat. We dated for a while but eventually came across an irreconcilable difference in opinions. She didn't always feel the need to come "straight home" after work. Okay, to be honest, toward the end of our relationship, she rarely came home at all.

Then there was the girl from the International House of Pancakes. She was an exact replica of my personality. I mean if you had met us both over some Internet chat room, you would swear we were the same person using multiple screen-names. Sounds sweet, huh? Have you ever considered marrying yourself? Have you ever thought about growing old together, just you and yourself? We both found that the whole idea of finding that "perfect person" was to find someone different from yourself to fulfill the empty spots within you.

I searched every where. I left no rock unturned, no leaf moved aside, but to no avail. After much pain and heartache, I began to believe that the perfect girl just did not exist. Then one day, I found her. Her name was Malia. She was from Hawaii, raised in Italy. She woresilk pajama pants to bed. She had written a novel. She loved the beach and hated cats, just like me. She had silky, dark and curly hair that swayed perfectly if the breeze was right. She had a caramel colored body, etched out of a block of pure perfection, and her face was that of an angel. From the very first time I saw her, I could not seem to take my eyes away from hers. She was like a siren, calling my name, beckoning me closer to her, even when she was asleep. The attraction was complete, with no faults, no annoyances. Every time she spoke she mesmerized me and every time she moved she amazed me. She was... well, perfect. Oh, and did I mention she played the cello? We spent all the extra time we had together. We spent so much time together that we decided to move in together. We were paying rent on two places, but one of them was doing nothing but collecting dust. We would sit on the porch when it rained and hold each other. We would lay on the beachand soak up a sweet combination of sunrays and pina coladas. Life was good. No, life was perfect and I knew it just couldn't possibly get any better than it was right then and there.

Two years later, Malia left me for a career-opportunity at a really prominent university in Europe. There were no harsh words, no angry feelings, not even any sad good-byes. She was so perfect that if she wanted to leave, I wanted it for her. That is, until she was gone. I cried for days, and began to drink for weeks after that. I felt as if my life was over, that the only reason that I had existed was gone, and every breath I took from that moment on was a futile attempt to hold on to something I later found I never had: The Perfect Love.

Malia was perfect. She was perfect in each and every single way, but I was not. Our love for each other was a deeply committed one, but it was far from perfect. I know that now, but if I
could go back in time to tell myself that in an attempt to save myself from all of that pain and
suffering, I fear I would not have listened to myself. I slept with many women, sometimes a different girl every week. I drank excessively and spent all of my money on temporary satisfaction. Anything to ease the pain. But the pain did not ease, it only grew stronger. It
became a vicious circle of self-inflicted torture that eventually brought me to my knees and forced me to open my eyes to the real world. But not before it made me a bitter man. I was wiser, but to this day, the decisions made left a coldness in my eyes that made my heart appear as lead to anyone who dared look. I became a loner, staying home on the weekends, saving my money for a healthy but lonely retirement, having accepted my fate. I was to be alone for the rest of my life.

Kathy with a K. Actually, her name is spelled Kathyrn. Quite peculiar, but I didn't think so until later. For the longest time, I never even knew her name. But she was a sight for sore and lonely eyes. I saw her at work. I was her boss (actually, I was her boss' boss) and did not want to risk the chance of even speaking to her. She was just too beautiful, and I had become a beast with a past too horrible to mention. I would just watch her as she passed my office every day. She didn't walk, she frolicked, and I would sneak out for a break whenever she did just to watch that frolicking. She smiled every time someone spoke to her, a smile like the early morning sun, and her eyes were so dark that you couldn't see her pupils, only the glimmering from the light that made her eyes look like two bright stars. I was under her spell and I didn't even know her name.

One day, watching her outside, I convinced myself to ask around about her. Find out her name and maybe even find out if she was seeing someone. Just as I had decided that she spoke to me. Kathy with a K. She ended up asking me out, you know. I told her I couldn't that night because I had to work late. Actually, I was too scared. I called her and asked her if she wanted to go to Starbucks after work the next day and she agreed. It turned out to be the most romantic night of both of our lives. We were both still pretty new in town and didn't really know our way around. I had no idea what I was going to do or where I was going to take her next so I winged it the whole way. Like I said, it turned out to be the most romantic night of both of our lives. It was perfect. She was not perfect, but neither was I. We both carried a truckload of emotional baggage and we both had a mountain of flaws. But it was perfect. She would always forget to plug in her cellphone at night, but I would always remind her. I couldn't do laundry worth a flip, but she showed me how. She could never get to work on time, and she hated to drive, but we both had to be at work on time so I drove us both there. Whenever she was slacking I was always right over her shoulder, and when I would lose track of what I was trying to do, she would help to keep me focused. We complimented each other in every single way. Neither of us was perfect, but we were perfect for each other. When you're out there looking for that perfect person keep these things in mind. People change, no matter how hard they try not to. As you grow older you mature, and with each new level of maturity come different ideas, different needs and wants. The person who was perfect for you at twenty could be the person you hate when you're thirty-five. You have to find some one who will grow with you, change with you, laugh with you and cry with you. A person who fills in where you lack, a person whom you can fill in for when they are lacking. But what about the perfect person, you ask? They do not exist. Even Malia was not perfect because the perfect girl in my dreams was supposed to stay with me. There are no perfect people, only people who are perfect for each other.

" i always thought that love was something i'd know the minute it appeared. That there would be drumrolls and bells ringing as love swept me off my feet. No one told me how quietly love could appear, or how humbly. That someday i'd look up and there it would be, waiting for me
in a pair of familiar eyes... I never expected i'd find somebody to love in you... i guess i never knew love the way i do now. "

Why Do Beginnings Have an End?

2004-04-26T08:28:00.000-07:00

Why do beginning's have an end? Why do we have to meet only to lose in the end?

These are questions left unanswered, word left unsaid, letters left unread, poems left undone, songs left unsung, love left unexpressed, promises left unfulfilled. In a relationship, one of the hardest things to do is saying goodbye and letting go. It's as hard as breaking a crystal because you'll never know when you'll be able to pick up the pieces again. More often than not, they who go feel not the pain of parting; it is they who stay behind that suffer, because they are left with memories of love that was meant to be a love that was.

At the beginning and at the end of a relationship, we are embarrassed to find ourselves alone. Unfair as it may seem, but that's the drama, the bittersweet and the risk of falling in love. After all nothing is constant but change. Everything will eventually come to its end without us knowing when, without us even knowing why...and we must forget not because we want to but because we have to.

In letting go, sorrows come not as single spy but in battalion. It seems that everywhere you go, everything you do, every song you hear, every turn of your head, every move of your body, every beat of your heart, every blink of your eye and every breath you take always remind you of him. It like a stab of a knife, a torture in the night. Funny how the whole world becomes depopulated when only one person is missing. Just imagine there are four billion people on earth and yet it seems you feel lonely and empty without the other. I don't know if it's worth calling an art, but letting go entails special skills sparkled with a considerable space and time. Time heals wounds but it takes push on our part. Acceptance plays a part. Not all wishes come true. Not all love stories end with "happily ever after." We hate to suffer if it would mean happiness to others. We have to cry to temporarily let go of the pain. Every beginning has its end like every dawn has its dusk. It's something we can't control, something we have to live up with. It's over, he's gone. But life has to go on. Goodbye doesn't always mean forever.
There will always be a place and time where questions will be answered, words will be spoken, letters will be read, poems will be recited in the night, songs will be sung in harmony, love will be expressed in solitude and promises will be fulfilled. Somewhere, somehow, someday.

* DEAR LORD, I bring my bleeding heart before You. I feel so empty and alone. And my strength ebbs to near nothing. I don't know how you'll work in my life but I trust you. And so I ask for Your healing presence, Lord. Let me pour out all my hurts and pains to you. Others may sometimes get tired of me but I know that you'll always listen, understand and care. Give me the strength to go on, to move forward each day. By Your grace I know I'd be able to let go of my hurts and disappointments, not in my time but in Your time. So thank You, Lord, for Your healing presence. Thank You for Your love that sustains me. And thank You for being here now... understanding and comforting me.

50 Romantic things to do for your Girl/Boyfriend

2003-12-03T23:28:00.000-08:00

1. Watch the sunset together.
2. Whisper to each other.
3. Cook for each other.
4. Walk in the rain.
5. Hold hands
6. Buy gifts for each other.
7. Roses.
8. Find out their favorite cologne/perfume and wear itevery time you're together.
9. Go for a long walk down the beach at midnight.
10. Write poetry for each other.
11. Hugs are the universal medicine.
12. Say only when you mean it and make sure they knowyou mean it.
13. Give random gifts of flowers/candy/poetry etc.
14. Tell her that she's the only girl you ever want.Don't lie!
15. Spend every second possible together.
16. Look into each other's eyes.
17. Very lightly push up her chin, look into her eyes,tell her you love her, and kiss her lightly.
18. When in public, only flirt with each other.
19. Put love notes in their pockets when they aren'tlooking.
20. Buy her a ring.
21. Sing to each other.
22. Always hold her around her hips/sides.
23. Take her to dinner and do the dinner for two deal.
24. Spaghetti? (Ever see Lady and the Tramp?)
25. Hold her hand, stare into her eyes, kiss her handand then put it over your heart.
26. Dance together.
27. I love the way a girl looks right after she's fallenasleep with her head in my lap.
28. Do cute things like write I love you in a note sothat they have to look in a mirror to read it.
29. Make excuses to call them every 5 minutes
30. Even if you are really busy doing something, go outof your way to call and say I love you.
31. Call from your vacation spot to tell them you werethinking about them.
32. Remember your dreams and tell her about them.
33. Always tell her how pretty she looks.
34. Tell each other your most sacred secrets/fears.
35. Be Prince Charming to her parents.
36. Brush her hair out of her face for her.
37. Hang out with his/her friends.
38. Go to church/pray/worship together.
39. Take her to see a romantic movie and remember theparts she liked.
40. Learn from each other and don't make the samemistake twice.
41. Describe the joy you feel just to be with him/her.
42. Make sacrifices for each other.
43. Really love each other, or don't stay together.
44. Let there never be a second during any given daythat you aren't thinking about them, and make sure they know it.
45. Love yourself before you love anyone else.
46. Learn to say sweet things in foreign languages.
47. Dedicate songs to them on the radio.
48. Fall asleep on the phone with each other.
49. Stand up for them when someone talks trash.
50. Never forget the kiss goodnight and always rememberto say, "Sweet dreams."

Good stuff. Read for your health

2003-10-21T16:28:00.000-07:00

1. Lungs & Big Intestines share the system . If one or the other is infected or sick, the other will also be sick.

2. When the Liver is in pain, there is not much signs or symptoms to be detected. Before many cancers happen, usually the Liver will be the first to get sick.

3. Liver filters out the poisons and it attacks all other viruses in the body.

4. 99% Chinese have weak livers as they eat a lot of meat, and high fat foods.

5. The Liver 's repair time is effective from 11pm ? 3am. Therefore, sleeping late after 11pm & Having late night supper 2 hours before sleep especially high cholesterol and high fat foods weakens the Liver as it does not have sufficient time to rest and regenerate. Even when one sleeps in later in the morning to replace loss sleep will not help.

6. If U get very hungry just before bedtime, eat some fruits & vegetables which is easy to digest. Meat takes about 4 hours to digest before it goes into the intestines. Meat cooked in oil takes about 12 hours before going into the intestines. This will provoke the Liver & the digestive tract to overwork in filtering the toxins thus U will tend to feel very tired when U wake up in the morning.

7. Oil is the main culprit that will weaken the functions of the Liver and damage it. Medication cannot cure Liver problem and it will damage it even further.

8. Cold-pressed Olive oil, carrot, cucumber, raw chili, garlic, onion, little bamboo salt/sea-salt, radish, pumpkin and small fish are good for the body. Sesame oil is ok.

9. Food-preservatives, Food colourings, Bee Hoon is processed with Aluminium (causes Dementia), Bleach, syrup, Pesticides are bad for Liver health. Wrong medication can shrink and damage the Liver badly. Radiation from Microwave oven destroys all nutrients in the food.

10. Western medication is bad for the Liver. Chinese medication is bad for Kidney. White radish will disable the effects of the Chinese medication.

11. Sleeping late for children is unhealthy as it weakens memory and intelligence.

12. Best Healthy times to sleep is 9pm especially so for people who is sick or recovering from it and do not sleep later than 11pm. Lots of rest is good for the Liver to recover. When using eye-cover during bed-time, use only pure-cotton and do not use Rubber, latex material.

13. A Detoxification Diet helps the Liver & Intestines to recover fast. Natural fresh foods are best for the Liver and overall well being. Do not rely on packed, bottled or canned health foods/vitamins as they lack a lot of natural and essential vitamins which can only be derived from pure, unprocessed natural foods.

14. A balance of mental/emotional state of mind is very important to the total well-being. Too much Stress of all kinds, loud noises/music, Anger, irritation suppressed for too long, Pessimism, depressive moods, no goals in life, feeling life has no value or blaming the World & Everyone else for his life will further weaken the body system. When the Liver is unhealthy, the Person usually has a bad temper and gets easily angered or irritated.

15. Giving out Gas, perspiration and urine are ways of purging out the toxins from the body. Do not use too much of air-conditioners as they suppress the body from perspiration. This natural way of purging helps to reduce the load of the Liver. Open the windows for fresh air.

16. Give Warm to any part of the body that is in pain will help ease it or soaking in a bathtub of warm water up to waist level will also help. Be careful if U have heart problems, do not soak up to heart level or else U might feel uncomfortable as your heart might get too stimulated.

17. Brown rice, wheat, oats, potatoes, sweet potatoes, yam and maize but we must be careful when buying these foods as they contain great amount of Pesticides. Maize and Brown rice contains B complex vitamin but be careful as Maize these days, has a lot of Pesticides in them too. Organic foods are better alternatives but they are more costly.

18. Blood A type has higher chances of Cancer diseases.

19. Blood O type has higher chances of Liver diseases.

20. Women Lives Longer because they are more even-tempered due to their menstruation cycle expels the anger suppressed inside. It is better not to talk when a person is feeling very angry at that point of time. Breathe very slowly for 7 times and just smile.

21. Fat or overweight people usually have problems with their liver, heart and digestive system as they eat too much meat, high cholesterol and high fat foods which will damage their Liver and thus affect their heart and blood pressure.

22. Gastric problem is also associated with ingesting too much meat and high fat foods.

23. Heart & Uterus are linked together. Drinking 3000cc ? 4000cc of good filtered water with a healthy detoxifcation diet will help keep them healthy too.

24. There is no need to go for unnecessary check up. X-rays, CT scans (radiation is 5x-6x higher) are bad for the body as it kills thousands of cells and thus weakens the body further. Cancers & diseases are sometimes quite hard to detect in your Yearly Health checkups or blood tests. By the time they are detected, that particular part of the body has already been quite damaged. Always get a second opinion from another doctor before proceeding with the recommended surgery. If it is Liver disease, medication will destroy it further. Go on a proper detoxification diet and sleep by 9pm daily will help the Liver to recover much faster.

25. Vegetable and Fruits are high in Vitamin Cs which will help detoxify the poisons in the body, thus helping the organs to recover during the detoxification. Drinking lots of water 2000cc ? 3000cc will help the Liver as Urine is one way of detoxification.

26. Morning hours between 5am - 7am is the best time for Bowel movement otherwise the intestines might absorb the poisons from the digested matter to be distributed to the rest of the body and thus slow poisoning of the body will occur. This will result in the body getting sick.

27. Using Kelp Powder mix in water can help to stop itchy scalp.

28. Stones in gall-bladder, liver, brain, etc.. are usually poisons accumulated from animal protein and oily foods.

29. Minerals ? calcium, iron strengthen the kidney/bladder.

30. A Person having Mild Liver or Kidney problems can eat Fish & Beans Only after 4 months of detoxification diet.

31. If the whites of the eyes are Yellow means You might have Liver & Gall Bladder problem.

32.Red vegetables or fruits are good for the Brain and the Heart.

33.Yellow vegetable or fruits are good for Digestion. Be careful when choosing. Cabbage and Banana are good but they may have lots of pesticides.

34. Low Blood pressure is ok as long as the individual feels fine and healthy.

35. Having Pimples may mean that the toxins in the blood cannot be purged out.

36. Exercise in preferably done in the morning as there are lots of oxygen from the trees . and plants. Night time is not advisable as there are lots of carbon dioxide coming from the trees and plants. Afternoon is too hot. After 40 years old, try to do light exercises like long distance walking and not to do heavy exercises.

37. Having Headaches may mean weak pump of blood/energy from the Heart shows lack of oxygen.

38. Black under eyes means Liver & Kidney are weak.

39. For Arthritis problem, eat High vitamin C, kelp and detoxification diet.

40. People with Breast or Uterine cancer must not eat sea-cucumber or salty foods.

41. High-water content fruits are easier to digest.

42. Exercise is good for the heart.

43. Use as few electrical appliances and household items in your homes. In the long term, they can cause radiation exposure and ruin your health especially your Television set, radio, huge sound system. Don't place them in your bedroom otherwise, you might find difficulty in sleeping thus feeling very tired in the morning. Also, try not to watch too much TV or surf the computer for a long time especially children otherwise in the long run, the radiation from the TV & computer might cause loss of memory and intelligence. Do not switch on the lights in your home or else too much of light exposure overhead might also be damaging to your body especially if you have not been very fit or healthy in your lifestyle.

44. If U want to take a bigger step to a truly healthier lifestyle , please use only stainless, ceramic (without lead), glass for your cooking , eating utensils. In the long run, Aluminium materials will give U dementia. Also get rid of your non-stick pans and cooking utensils as the coating will eventually fade into your food which cause poisoning. Use water to cook your food lightly. Overcooking your food will cause it to loose most if not all of its nutrients.